Letters to [can't reveal name till she's born] #1.

Boys.

Dear [can't reveal name till she's born],

Four days ago, it was your 21st week of swimming in a big liquid pool anniversary. One day it will be your 21st birthday! *clutches heart in anxiety* and I will be...... *gulp* 44.

44! that is only two years away from my "old" age. It is 46 that I plan to have already come to terms with the fact I can't laugh without needing to pee, that I can't hide the two "Pitman" wrinkles passed down to me from your Koro and that you are already pleading with me to dye my hair to hide the stainless steel silvers. I'm not freaking out over getting older mind you, I can't wait for each crevice in my hand to have its own story... to reveal the experiences, the loves, the hurts, the wisdom and the goodness of life. The goodness of God.

We had a huge trip to Auckland yesterday as you know, you always know when were going to Auckland cause you get so excited that you try to kick and headbutt your way out of the womb. (The only reason it doesn't work is cause you are not Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops so I don't blame or judge you for not being up to par with his abilities). The thing I didn't tell you though is that it wasn't a "shopping" expedition. Sorry to disappoint you. (One day I'm also going to point up into the sky and say "LOOK AT THE PLANE [can't reveal name till she's born] !" pointing up out over the opposite side of the car as your Father sneaks us past "Rainbows End").

One thing you are unaware of right now is you we're going to be a little Sister. Yesterday we had an adoption meeting but realised your "could've been sister" (who is actually your third cousin) is going to be better off with her other family. As much as we would have loved to raise her, we had to put her needs before our own. So you my baby are going to have to put up with being the firstborn. I can't wait to teach you how to do laundry.

The reason I started writing this letter is because I wanted to talk to you about boys. One day your "Boys are gross" filter will unfortunately dissolve into oblivion and you will begin to take notice of their smelly ways. Your Dad wants you to get married at 77, but you might have to remind him that he married a TEENAGER! ewww.

One thing your Jia Jia taught me is that there are boys that want the girl with the short skirts and small shirts. The one you want is the one that loves you for your purity and your love for God. You don't have to dress less for male attention. You don't want the one that gives attention to you for that.

At this moment in time, it is ridiculously easy to "fall" in the way of purity. It was hard for me. It could even be harder for you. If you do fall, if you do make mistakes, have the courage to admit it. Get back up. Deal with the consequences. Ask for forgiveness. Learn from it. Take responsibility.

Always remember, if you do make mistakes, no matter how much pain and regret your decisions may cause, I'm always here to hug you, to understand you, to cry with you, to speak the truth to you. Learn from my mistakes. Learn from others mistakes. Read your Bible. No, actually.

Keeping yourself for your Husband is almost unheard of today. God wasn't being a killjoy when he put pen to paper about that. But before I get too carried away I will save the more indepth "sex" talk until you start asking me to buy you razors (for your legs, hopefully not your face).

Just incase I haven't put you off completely, here's a list that just might:

• Just because a boy is a Christian, doesn't mean he doesn't have hormones.
• Don't underestimate the "being yourself" approach. It's when you can be yourself in a relationship that you will be happiest. It is what attracted me to your Father.
• Let a boy buy you dinner. Buy him dinner too.
• Don't waste a single Saturday night waiting for "him" to call. It will only hurt you if he doesn't.
• Listen to your head. Don't always rely on your heart.
• Don't always trust your emotions.
• Don't play with his emotions.
• Be honest about your intentions and values. Expect honesty back.
• Don't neglect your friends to keep spending time with him. Have a blooming garden of friends, not just a weed ridden bunch.
• Never force love to be. It will happen if it is supposed to.
• Ask God about His opinion.
  

Our futures are defined by our choices, not the chances we may take along the way. If you wake up oneday wondering how you got there... you made your bed and lied in it too, so follow your faith, your beliefs, your heart, your passions.

Look at me! being all Motherly with advice and all.

June 10th 2009 was when we saw those two pink lines on that pee stick, your Father and I got so excited that we almost had to change each other's nappies. It took one failed strip and two positives to convince us to go to the Doctor though... both your Father and I are Olympic Procrastinators, and regardless of our example, you're going to fight a genetic urge to put things off until they are almost past due. Kapeesh?

September the 5th 2009, I felt your first kick. You obviously knew we were away at your Aunty Lyndas beach house having the time of our lives so you wanted to join the action too (Aunty Lynda is actually your third cousin too, she will insist on you just calling her Lynda... but she sooo secretly likes being called Aunty). I didn't feel your next movements until three days later... you let me know you had arrived by booting my poor overly used bladder a couple times. As for now? GO TO SLEEP!

You have a pattern where you kick three times and stop, so we'll be relaxing on the couch when your Dad is all of a sudden ripped over to my side by the arm as I force his hand to my belly after your first kick. He has only felt you kick once... and he wasn't even sure if it was a kick or if his hand just twitched... it could have been his hand twitching (he IS older than dirt and I'm starting to think he'd like me to start pureeing his steak so he doesn't have to chew it) but we promise not to hold that against you, at least not until you come home with piercings in your face and then WE WILL TOTALLY HOLD IT AGAINST YOU.

Love, Mama.

xo

Trade Me (Summer) Lovin

In between cleaning a handful of my filthish house, working a paper hat into my ensemble and looking up gross things on Google Images, I had a sweet little package or two arrive on my doorstep today.

I'm the EXTREME cheapskate bargain slayer, so when these treasured vintage finds arrived for me, ME! I was completely delighted and surprised and romanced and massaged all at once.

They were not cheap, no, no, nor were they purchases I had made.

They came in plastic courier bags and were signed from a mighty manly Pirate that goes by the name of "One Tooth Van Horne" (so this place tells me) .... otherwise known as my hot Hubby.

What a Charmer!

I just love how he plays the "I'm gonna pretend I'm not listening to a thing you say regarding the stuff you like on Trade Me" card and then completely surprises me out of the blue actually purchasing the two very things I've dreamed over for the last like two YEARS!!!!

EEEE!!!!

(If they were food I probably would have scoffed and regurgitated them over and over by now).

All together now, "Awwwwwwww".

Thats my man!

I can't wait to throw Cats at teenagers with him in our old age....

Go and be awesome.

Mr Honey

Mr Honey is always watching

She's baaaaaack!!!

Well, well, well.... look what the smelly cat dragged in, a fatty that can't fit her pants anymore.

Yay to be back!

I got knocked up and vomited my WHOLE first trimester, hence the no show.

They should teach you that in Puberty class I reckon... that'd scare the kids straight.

No joke, I am at a weird in-between twilight zone space at the moment... nothing I own fits cause they're all too small, and none of my new maternity clothes fit cause they're all too big! Hello!! Can't someone please cut me some slack and just pretend to believe me when I say my jeans shrunk in the wash??

Speaking of which... lets briefly talk about Dan's pocket knife. It's a cute little thing, small enough to fit in the front pocket of his overalls without being too bulky, nifty enough to fit into the little screw to tighten the legs on my sunglasses, sharp enough to help out while assisting a Cow in Calf. Needless to say it's a very versatile tool, used for anything from opening an envelope, to cutting twine, to slicing an apple or even for cutting your pregnant wife out of a dress.

*Blink*

Not just any dress mind you. My favourite reeeeeally expensive cocktail dress. I'm one of those girls that knows what I like and what I don't like, eg. I don't like following the latest trends, I like individuality as much as I like the classics. And this dress was a Hepburn classic

*Blink*Blink*

We were off to a Cocktail party one Saturday night.

I was completely freaked out cause I had nothing that fit over my baby gut.

I got hit with the great idea to stuff myself into my favourite Hepburn dress.

I sucked the baby into my spine and got the hardest part hooked up, the eyehook at the top. Yuss!!

I then made my husband stop mowing the lawns.

He had to assist me in zipping it up the rest of the way as I was determined not to take my flesh getting caught in the zip as a warning.

After about ten minutes of sweating and panting and looking the eye of the Tiger square in it's... .. well, eye... we got the zip closed.

I was okay with feeling a little light headed and not being able to take in a full breath, cause being four and a half months pregnant could not stop me from looking fabulous for just ONE NIGHT... right? RIGHT!?

I was all made up and ready to go.

Bent to put my heel on when the zip completely popped.

I felt my lungs and skin suck in the relief.

I cried as if someone died, which then turned into wailing when I couldn't get the eye hook undone.

Dan appeared out of nowhere with his pocket knife in tow and shot me a look as if to say "Me Tarzan, you Jane, me throw you over my shoulder and we swing on vine off into sunset".

He saved my life and sliced the side of the dress open.

I was then so fed up I ripped the dress completely off down the side.

I regretted that decision immediately.

Laughing or crying were my only options.

Since I'd already cried and didn't want to ruin my makeup, I chose to laugh. Dan joined and reminded me I'm carrying a baby so of course things don't fit.

The scary aftermath:

Sorry Enrique Iglasias, but Dan can be my hero baby... and you should really stop singing that song anyway.

Well besides all that, I'm loving being pregnant. I love the little kicks I'm getting and that I finally have something to show for all these weeks of being energy robbed.

Let me tell YOU though... being Pregnant has NOT got me any special treatment whatsoever!

FOR INSTANCE

My Mum made a surprise visit from Australia and was booked into one of the Motels in town as she was planning to spend one day here and the rest in Auckland with the rest of our family. Deciding to stay with her we shared a room.

I grabbed the single bed and left her to the double bed.

There was a single bed and couch in the lounge that my two Aunties claimed.

So we were all sorted and ended up watching Sky in bed. Nice.

I drifted off into a beautiful and comfortable sleep with my pillow from home when I was abruptly awoken at around 2am by what sounded like Rhinoes being hunted and screaming in pain. Looking around I found there were no Rhinoes, only three 50 year old menopausal women snoring the night away. I closed the door to the lounge to faint the sound of both my Aunties going to town so I only had to deal with Mum.

I tried putting my fingers in my ears, I tried Mr Beans sock trick only it worked for him and completely did nothing for me, I even tried putting my pillow over my head risking death from suffocation.

Nothing was sufficient.

I woke Mum five times in five minutes to tell her she was snoring.

She apologised each time at least.

She tried to blame it on my Aunties and then tried to blame it on me!!!... ME!!!

I wished at that moment the Cops had a special division that deals with notorious snorers that have little to none respect for others, cause I woulda been all over that.

"Mum, I am WIDE AWAKE, I know the sound of snoring people in the next room as much as I know the sound of someone snoring right next to me. YOU WERE SNORING!".

She apologised again.

Drifted off.

Retreated to snoring her little head off.

I contemplated sleeping in the car, but since it wasn't mine and my Hubby had deserted me earlier on in the night, I settled for the only other option:

Yes Sir, that is the cold tiled Bathroom floor.

Since I don't really know how to end this entry, I'm going to tell you that I really need to go do my daily exercises when really all I'm going to do is sit on the couch, eat Icecream and give Dan the beats at Snowboarding on PS2.

Woo!

T.I.L.T: Things I Love Thursday.

• Imagining working at GOOGLE!

-Got the Munchies? Google have 11 gourmet Cafeterias where you can chow down on breakfast, lunch and dinner... oh yeah, it's ALL FREE!

-They snack rooms which contain various lollies, cereals, nuts, yogurt, carrots, fresh fruit etc, and dozens of different drinks including fizzy drinks, smoothies and cappuccinos.... and yup... ALL FREE
-You have the option of being picked up and driven to work by the high tech WiFi bio-diesel bus too, but if you choose to drive, you are not left out. Onsite car washes and oil changes are among the numerous perks Google offers to all its workers.
-Want to buy a hybrid car? The company will give $5,000 toward that environmentally friendly end.
-They have their own FREE Hairdressing Salons on site... naturally.

-Care to refer a friend to work at Google? Google would like that too, and it'll give you a $2,000 reward.
-Just have a new baby? Congratulations! Your employer will reimburse you for up to $500 in takeout food to ease your first four weeks at home.
-Gyms, personal trainers, nutritionists, wave pools, spa pools, rowing machines, locker rooms, volleyball pits, massages, child care, five onsite Doctors, and personal concierges that arrange dinner reservations are all what working at Google and getting FREE stuff is all about.

-Hate doing your Laundry? Meh, bring it to work and have it all done and ready for you by the morning tea break.
-Can't be bothered walking anywhere? let the FREE custom detailed motorized Scooter you got given to zoom through the halls do all the work.
- Hate leaving your Animals at home unattended? BRING YOUR PETS TO WORK!

- If employees need a break from their desk, Rock climbing walls, Pool Tables, Foos ball, Video Games, Ping Pong, Roller Hockey are some of the options available to recharge the mind.

-In the mood for a mental workout? Googlers can also study Mandarin, Japanese, Spanish and French, or visit the mobile library.
-Tired Googlers can take a break in a decompression (stress) capsule that is impermeable to sound and light.

-On each floor, there are private cabin areas where employees can attend to personal affairs.

-Take a break in a self-controlled massage chair…while you zone out watching aquariums.

-Additional perks include ski trips, company movie days, summer picnics, holiday parties, health fairs, quarterly group offsites, a credit union, saunas, roller hockey, outdoor volleyball pits, discounts for products and local attractions.

With all of these perks and resources available, why would employees ever need to leave the workplace?

It’s no wonder Google is so successful.

• Colourful Aprons
• Blackboards
• Forts
• Flashlights
• Jetsons
• Cool guys in movies that don't look at explosions behind them, instead they walk off in slow motion
• Manly Men, doing manly stuff: Like last Tuesday about 5.30pm, remember when you got that whiff of something that permeated the air and you couldn't quite put your finger on what it was? It was my Husband at our farm dump carving up a 4 day old dead Cow with a small pocketknife for dog meat.
• People that ruin photo's

• Coming across a record by my brothers Dad. No Joke.
• Deer Heads.
  

• Genuine Leather Wallets.
• Finding my "hair twin".
• Top Gear "make your own Limo".
• Marc Ellis getting tasered by Matthew Ridge.
• Grapefruit juice and lemonade.
• Rocking chairs.
• Feather Pillows.
• Thick warm socks.
• Reading in Cafes.
• Ambrosia.
• Cartwheels.
• When Oprah isn't about losing weight, Dr Oz or infidelity.
• New hairstyles.
• Taking high heels off after a long night, ahhhhhhhhhh!.
• After two years finally getting your braces off... mmm slimy.
• That feeling in your tummy when you go really high in a swing.
• Unexpected two ply toilet paper in public toilets.
• Getting the booth side of a restaurant table.
• Hearing and seeing pictures of a friends Circus themed wedding!! so clever and fun!!
• Staring contests.
• Dan and I wearing red noses. Just cause.
• Tummy rubs for my big fat seal looking dog.
• Lying in a hammock.
• My wonderful Husband surprising me with making dinner or cleaning the entire kitchen.
• Improv Everywhere, seriously this is the most awesome site I've come across in ages! my favourites include, McDonalds bathroom attendant, Suprise Wedding Reception, Human Mirror, Hi Five Escalator, Welcome Back.... sheesh, everything on this site is fun!
• The extra chips at the bottom of the Maccas bag.
• Ferris Bueller.
• Latte Art.

• Thinking its Thursday when it's Friday
• Farmers Markets.
• Man Vs. Wild featuring Will Ferrell.
• Kush Balls.
• Full House.
• Drumstick Pencils.
• Finally seeing the whole Statue on Lost.
• Spaghetti with WAY too much Parmesan.
• Emily Deschanel.
• Taking the sympathy serving of the pasta salad no-one has touched at a "bring a plate" lunch. What a great Christian thing to do.
• Fedoras.
• My back cracking when I sneeze.
• TOPSY TAILS!! eeeee!! "School time, Play time, Anytime". I used to want one of these when I was 6 and still do!.
• Watching my Dogs cuddle awwww.
• Roast Pumpkin.

Anywho, that's about it for this week of T.I.L.T, I'm getting back to Improv Everywhere to see what else these pranksters have been up to...

To infinity and beyonnnnd.......

Fortnight round up:

1. 2.

You know it's Winter when it's warmer outside than it is inside.

You know it's Winter when you hear a whirring come from the other side of the toilet door only to discover it's your Husband with the fan heater warming the toilet up before he does his bizz.

You know it's Winter when someone breaks into your rental property to steal the HOT WATER CYLINDER! it took me ages to be able to laugh at that, but man... a hot water cylinder?

(At least they were considerate and didn't break the window. )

Well, my fortnight has been chocka block of happenings and events, kicking off at number 20.

20. Someone stole our Hot Water Cylinder!!!!

19. The Nat rat turned 21 and threw a 1950's party!

Apparently Nat was an ugly baby, I dont remember... I just remember her putting me off wanting to go to Church by singing "Were following Jeeeeesus, just like Matthew, Peter and John". She had some ugly years though, namely getting her big people teeth, but then grew into them and gave me nits. Love you little Sis. xo

Sing it Gramps.

18. My house is completely sterile. It shines more then my Daddio's bald head (and no it's not because my Computer is broken.... I take my Wifely duties seriously... sometimes). Thanks Mum for teaching me cleanliness is next to the crazy train. I'm even bold enough to say my entire house is cleaner than PEARL BROWNS! *gasp!*..... just don't ask me if I cleaned the Ceiling or behind the Stove... I don't want to lie to you.

17. I got woken up pretty abruptly at about 4.30am on Wednesday morning. By nothing in particular. I remember how Samuel was awoken, so I asked, "is that you Lord?". I got up and through His Word was spoken to about being expectant, keeping an eternal perspective and when things are difficult... keep hiking. Nice.

16. I tried to teach Steve's girlfriend how to speak "Hori". She has since kept her distance.

15. I stared at an old man in town that was wearing no shoes but socks. I felt convicted that night, and realised I should have bought him a pair. (I could even have given him mine but I reckon socks with high heels are so nineties.)

14. I discovered the awesomeness of .... "BIBLEMAN". Soak it in my friends. Soak it in.

Cypher: "You sure know your Bible"

Bibleman: "That's why they call me.... BIBLEMAN"

(Cue "Dun Dun DUNN!" music with a face zoom-in).

13. My new D.I.Y project! I'm so excited about this but can't reveal it until it's done and given to the intended recipient. *Sigh*. Watch this space. (NOT LITERALLY). Watch out Paisley Jade, Betty aka "Martha Stewart" is comin for you. (NOT LITERALLY). I don't actually know why I just bought Paisley Jade into all this, she's an innocent bystander.... I think cause she's Supermum and is very threatening at being the most awesome chick on the Planet. You need to wear a cape Paisley Jade... and have a utility belt loaded up with recipes, crochet patterns, bandaids, maybe a Softie here and there... maybe a child here and there...

12. I made the most amazing breakfast for myself and my favourite fleabag yesterday when the Hubby was at Mahi. When it comes to cooking for myself, I tend to opt out and go for an easy alternative.... like toast. Not yesterday. I'm not as much of a pro when it comes to pancakes as my Husband is, but I thought it was about time I gave myself some tender lovin care and made pancakes for my Dog and I. I just hope he doesnt have a heart attack.

11. Someone stole our Dog Kennel!!!!!! and it wasn't even cool enough to steal, we would've given it away.

10. I have some AMAZING and SHOCKING news that can't be revealled until....... (and no I'm not pregnant! get original eh!)

9. I dared Dan to rock on the little rocking horse at the National Bank while we were waiting for our Banking Consultant, he looked at me and told me to settle down or he'll disown me.

8. WE'RE SELLING OUR HOUSE!!! I know, I know what a bad time to sell, but if Kevin Luke can't talk us out of it, then NO-ONE can talk us out of it. Ka Ching!

7. I came across the funniest and coolest old ads that are pretty sexist towards Women. Cmon ladies, see the funny side...



6. My Mum is an amazing Woman. She lives in another Country. She has 6 laughs. She has a cool superhero title, "Captain". She starts preparing for Christmas in January. She sends me massive boxes of cool things like Clothes, Jewellery, Trinkets, Vege books, Oils etc. She always wins when we have pinching wars. She's 5"1 and at perfect height for me to rest my arm on her head. She wasn't a lot older than I am when we lost our Dad but fought on raising 3 Children on her own. She has the funniest sense of humour and quickest wit. She always knows the right things to say. She has so much experience to teach us from. She always encourages me in ways I never expect. She is the best cook I know, right up there with my Asian Aunty, Aunty Marcella. She always sounds soooo excited to hear my voice when I say "Hi Mum" in a phone call. And I can't wait for her to visit in September! Love ya Mama! xo

5. I managed to snatch up three books I've been wanting to read for aaaages from the local Library and I didn't even have to hold anyone at knifepoint!."Adam" and "Saint" by Ted Dekker, and the second book "Forgiven" in the "Firstborn" series by Karen Kingsbury. Two awesome Christian Authors that are in hot demand and that I hardly ever find. Woot! (For the record, I don't carry knives with me, but I reckon one of those swiss army card things could be handy).

4. I drank the yuckest carrot juice from that lolly shop in the "Town Basin". I generally love carrot juice, but this one tasted like they left the green stalk on it and possibly threw in a handful of dirt.

3. I'm bored of my Cat. He used to be fun. Now he's full of mood swings and only interested in three things. 1. Food. 2. Sleep. 3. Meowing when it's got to an important part in a movie.

2. I watched "Chocolat" while eating chocolate.

1. The bestfriends multiplied and now have a beautiful baby human!!! Congratulations Onerahi G's.

Let me tell you, I'm actually glad we finally got through last week, it was long and seemed neverending.
Looking forward to the adventures God has in stall ahead...

T.I.L.T: Things I Love Thursday.

Holy Moly Roly! its Thursday and I almost forgot my T.I.L.T post!

Hangon to your Bombay Bloomers ladies I've got alot of Link Love, here we go:

• Comic books.
• Animals sleeping.
• Iced Coffee.
• Healthy eating.
• Baptisms.
• Heels.
• Jazz.
• Nostalgia.
• Long hair.
• O for awesome.
• 100's and 1000's.
• The colour pink.
• Vintage cards.
• Sequins.
• Red Bull.
• When the power comes back on after a power cut.
• Art School.
• Sending Postcards to strangers across the world. I'm sending my first on Monday.
• Design School.
• Lists.
  
  
• Sommersaults.
• Apples.
• Accents.
• Tights.
• Dots.
• Catching stuff in your mouth.
• Cool dreams that you remember when you wake up.
• Seaside.
• Countryside.
• Making up songs.
• Stationary.
• Lattes.

• Dressing like a gypsy.
• "The one that was lost" - written by my beautiful friend Claire Hill who serves as the Territorial Youth Consultant at THQ for the Salvation Army, Australia.
• Cherry blossoms.
• Super Mario Bros.
• Finding money you didnt know you lost.
• Happy guy painting trees:
  
  
• Undies hot out of the dryer.
• Chicks with rock voices *cough RACH cough*.
• Drum solos.
• Roaring and crackling fires.
• Acoustic Worship.
• Connecting with songs.
• The smell of Vanilla.
• TVNZ on demand, so you never miss another episode of LOST.
• Exploring deserted buildings.
• The sweet sounds of a Ukelele.
• Clever photography.
• Watching little sparrows jump around.
• Warm nights.
• Retro.
• Listening to Omega from the Parachute band's testimony on Youtube.
• Rockabilly.
• Whimsical Photography.
• Route 66.
• The Oboe.
• The Salvation Army index finger salute.
• Dreaming of the States.
• Ipod blaring when I walk through town, it's like I'm in my own movie.
• Old Cinema.
• Lab coats.
• Chocolate rain. I laughed so much at this.
• Nerd glasses.
• Freckles.
• Essential Oils burning in an oil burner.
• April fools.
• Looking forward to things.
• My sequinned Berets.
• "The Great Divide" by Scott Stapp.
• 4 day weekends.
• Finishing things.
• Window shopping.
• Fabric Softner.
• Fresh air.
• Flavoured stuff:
  
  
• A mug of Milo warming my hands.
• Pop tarts.
• Disco balls.
• Don't tase me bro!
• Old school Spacies.
• Old school Elastics.
• Pretending to smoke Spaceman candy as a little kid.
• Understated luxury.
• Short painted nails.
• Will an Iphone blend?
• Impressing Dan with my juggling skills.
• Wondering what a chair would look like if your legs bent backwards.
• Guy Sebastian FOLLOWING ME ON TWITTER!!!
• Red ribbons.
• Flickr.
• Bows.
• Frames.
• Draw your Dad.
• Sparklers.
• Paris.
• Swallows.
• Hot Rollers.
• 1950's Housewives.
• Back in the day when $1 hot chips came with free sauce and could feed me and a friend.
• Eeney meeney miney mo.
• Playing and winning Marbles for keepsies, not friendlies.
• People buying my junk on Trade Me.
• All that was accomplished at the Cross.

Hope you take the time to think about the things you love, things that make you smile and the things that you are greatful for today.