Phat Peeps: #1

Launching the new "Phat Peeps" - Profiling the Phattest People on the Planet...
(This list is harder to get on than "Forbes Richest People In The World".)

A huge congratulations to:

#1. CHUCK NORRIS.

1. Chuck Norris punched his way out of the womb and was born in the Mississippi Swamp on the back of a Tricycle. His Mother was going to leave him to be raised by wolves but quickly realised he was no ordinary child, on account of being born with a full beard wearing boots and a loaded gun.
2. Chuck Norris spent 200 yrs in a POW camp in Nam. He got so bored he made Rambo out of nothing but coconut husks and nail clippings.
3. Chuck Norris is also to be rumoured as a shapeshifter. His latest form taking shape as the New Zealand annoying Television personality, Jason Gunn.
4. When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, nothing appears. There can never be another Chuck Norris.
5. When there's a fire, you stop, drop, and roll. When there's a Chuck Norris, you stop, drop, and die.
6. Chuck Norris has a holiday home on the Sun.
7. Chuck Norris built Mount Everest with a bucket and spade and chased Sir Ed to the top of it.
8. P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet.
9. Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral. (Stink one Dan :P)
10. Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
11. Chuck Norris is the real reason Kate had a cast on both wrists.
12. Chuck Norris can strike a match on a bar of soap.
13. Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.
14. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
15. Chuck Norris bound the twelve islands which made up Old Zealand together with bailing twine to make up the New Zealand we know today.
16. The reason New Zealand is virtually critterless is because of Chuck Norris.
17. Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
18. Chuck Norris is the reason Wally is hiding.
19. Chuck Norris knew who Suzy was before Jon Dylan did.
20. There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.
21. Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and footpaths.
22. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
23. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
24. Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
25. Chuck Norris coughed and made the Kiwi bird flightless.
26. Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
27. Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin behind his beard. He has another fist.
28. Macgyver can build a plane out of gum and paperclips. Chuck Norris can whoop him and take it.
29. Chuck Norris doesn't need a "Total Gym", he is one.
30. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
31. Chuck Norris infects swine flu.
    

CHUCK GALLERY:

God blessed America.
He gave them Chuck Norris.

Nunchucks.

The aftermath of Chuck Norris's paper run as a Child .

Have a Norrisified day.