LETTERS TO [CAN'T REVEAL NAME TILL SHE'S BORN] # 2.

You mean I'm not supposed to be eating raw chicken?.



Dear Not-Charlotte,

(November 2009)
In two days we will begin the T-minus 10 week count down. This week you get eyelashes.. the very things that will oneday make you regret using mascara from all the stray ones that get swallowed up by your eye socket and make permanent home behind your eyeball.

I'm now breathing like a ten pack-a-day smoker since you now favour pushing all my innards into my mouth and what feels like you punching your little pillow into shape under my ribs.. I'd see the funny side if everytime you kicked my ribs they would make xylophone sounds like it does in cartoons. But they don't. So I'm not laughing. Only wincing in pain and secretly wanting your Dad to run to my side with every creak and moan I have... only he doesn't... he apparently doesn't read minds.


You are now extending your little limbs and leaving them hanging out in mid air. The last letter I wrote you, your Dad only felt you kick once... he has since had you kick him in the face and viciously boot 20 times in a row when he was running his hand over you... its okay... we tell eachother that you're just being "playful". We've agreed though that you don't like your Midwife. Your kicks seem more deliberate for her.


You're only a third of the body weight you're apparently going to be and I already am wondering if they have seat belt extenders for cars. If this is any indication we're going to give birth to the female Hulk Hogan, then I can't wait for you to go on wrestling tour and pay for our retirement. We could live with you on your wrestling tour bus and drink a couple non alchy beers after each show. WHO SAYS YOUR MAMA CAN'T HANG?


(December 2009)
It's officially December now, and man I wish you were a year old already, I'd totally be decking out the Christmas tree and wrapping up wrapping paper for you since that seems to be all babies are interested in when it comes to presents. Don't worry though Not-Charlotte, your Jia Jia is already putting away Christmas presents for you next year... she just expects to have first dibs on your name cause naming her own children and your uncles children apparently wasn't enough.

We went for our first swim of the summer over the weekend.
I envisioned refreshing romantic weightlessness on my back being carried along top fluffy pillows of waves. But it was brief. Not so much romantic. And more on the freezing side of refreshing.

I had a second of weightlessness lying on my back as I didn't count for the fact that I now carry a keg of liquid, guts, goop and extra human on my front so I bobbed over like a head heavy cork and was too scared to touch the ground cause of the seaweed. So I almost drowned in a metre of water.

They would've sent out the rubber duckie and I could've got on Piha Rescue if I were at Piha. Then someone would've made up shirts of my pregnant silhouette, tummy down in a metre of water screaming for help and sold them at the Sunday carboot markets in the carpark under the Whangarei Cinemas. They would've sold out to an overwhelming demand that they would then turn it into a business. Then they would start up a dot.com and sell internationally. One of those countries would be a country well call the U, S and A. They'd then get an appearance on the Nickelodeon red carpet by someone famous, like Rob Pattinson and get a mention when Guiliana Rancic asks "Who are you wearing?". Then all Americas tweens would beg their parents to get the same shirts for them for Christmas. One of those young kids would be Corby... Gails daughter. Gails bestfriend Oprah would hear about what Gail got Corby for Christmas and think it would be a good idea to find out more about this shirt as it sounds like another possible fad that has hit the planet, like "Skip It's" and "Pet Rocks", "Koosh Balls" and "Mood Rings" and feature it as a possible upcoming fad that we shouldn't all buy into on her next show. After some investigation by her people, they would come to the conclusion that these shirts don't fall into the "Fad" category. But it would be more practical to feature the company itself on her show in the "Rags to Riches" feature scheduled for next Month as Wikipedia details that this company obviously had their fair share of rags beginning in a carboot under a Cinema Complex. The company would then feature on Oprah and become so big the internet would blow up.

And all because of you and me.

But it didn't happen like that cause the seaweed floated past so I was brave enough to stand up.... and I wasn't at Piha.

Speaking of your Dad, (I know we weren't actually speaking of him in the previous paragraph but I wanted to bring him into conversation, so the first thing in my mind for beginning this new paragraph was "Speaking of your Dad" thus the "Speaking of your Dad" part at the beginning of this paragraph) he's already practicing walking your pram up and down the hallway. He's totally cool. Guess what he did? since you and I didn't make it to Church on Sunday (did you know that? I'm sorry, I know how much you like the Drums and Bass and clapping and people poking and prodding you - but I was sore and swollen and tired so we couched the morning away) your Dad went in and played Bass.

Not expecting him to come home with anything more than the Milk we needed to get us through till our usual grocery day he walks in with lunch and a MANGO and a MILKSHAKE MIX!! and an amazingly dreamy COT!!! and a fancy CHANGING TABLE SLASH BATH SLASH STORAGE THING ON WHEELS!!!! What a man. (Did you notice how I built it up with the use of Capslock, exclamation marks, the bold feature, Italics and a splash of colour? that's called education. Stay in school.)

As far as Husbands go, Dan Van der Man is totally boss. He is the cheese to my macaroni.

No doubt there will be times when you leave the house in frustration or anger, it doesn't matter what reason, don't ever leave without telling him you love him. Ever.
Appreciate him.
Tell him how awesome the gardens and lawns look.
How perfect his steak cooking abilities are.
How much of a hard worker he is.
Laugh at his jokes and make him cups of coffee without being asked.
One day he won't be there anymore so don't leave room for regrets and "should'ves".
It's the relationship with your Dad that will give you best indication of your level of worth.
Listen to him. The things he says and the things he doesn't.
He's your hero.
If you go by his example of what to expect in a man, you'll find a good thing.

I totally looked down just now and saw the remnants of what used to be recognisable as human feet. They've apparently been replaced with those of an Elephant. Just for that you can't wear makeup till your wedding day.

I so can't wait to give you your first taste of lemon.

I do love you though, you truely are the heartbeat of life. I've decided to ignore all the horrid stories I've been told about birth. They'll only rob me of the joy of these last weeks. Besides someone elses horror story doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be the blueprint of my experience. I trust that my body knows what to do. That you are perfectly and wonderfully made. For that I thank God. I'm just sorry that on your birthday your Koro and your Poppa wont be there to hold you close, but believe every word when I say that you would be the very love of their lives. Your Jia Jia keeps saying that your Koro would make the trip out to our place everyday after work just to give you a chocolate fish. I tend to believe that. Thats the type of man he was. You may never have met him but you can be proud that you are part of his line. His moko.

Since my eggo is indeed preggo and am for shizz up the spout, I was recently given a Magazine on healthy and active pregnancy and was pretty disappointed when I read that I'm actually supposed to be exercising.. but not as disappointed as I am that the mammoth act of getting out of bed and clothing myself doesn't count. I think if the person that wrote that article actually witnessed the contortions, the self body boosting and experienced a bit of the pain and the sweat it takes me just to get out of bed, then they'd voluntarily throw their internet PHD's out the window and go get slapped by their Mama's. I found it pretty interesting the article was written by dude too. There's just something about the presence of a pregnant woman that suddenly makes everyone in the room an expert on the health of unborn children. Bless em.

You haven't even been born yet and I'm already getting on the "my baby will be at school soon" crazy-train. Then you will have your own Caleb Smith that sits on your lunch box and tries to lure you into the boys toilets with orange wedges. Just make sure you scream loudly and tell him your Daddy has a gun... just like your Mama did when she was 5. And when you're 8, don't go marrying those Jason Rooke's on the field at School... it'll only follow you around for the rest of your life and even find it's way into a speech by your Head Bridesmaid on your REAL Wedding day. But ALWAYS wear undies or one of those Kohatu Harris's will down trail you when you take a sip of water at the drinking fountain and then when you get into an arguement with him later on he'll pull out the "At least I wear undies" line. Complete burn.

Well baby girl, this is the last day of 2009. Thank you for holding out like a good girl and not making your trip down the creek without a paddle too early. Only 5 weeks until the day of Waitangi, Bob Marleys birthday and your approximate expulsion date and then its Prison Tatts, Ciggies and Moonshine here I come! Hahaha no, no... but I will be all over Sushi, Red Bull, painting my toenails, chasing the dog when he eats the rubbish, sleeping on my tummy and eating swine flu pork and raw chicken just like a rash! Woo!

But most of all, I can't wait to meet you and to see your Dads reaction to your meconium.

Love, Mama.

xo

Letters to [can't reveal name till she's born] #1.

Boys.

Dear [can't reveal name till she's born],

Four days ago, it was your 21st week of swimming in a big liquid pool anniversary. One day it will be your 21st birthday! *clutches heart in anxiety* and I will be...... *gulp* 44.

44! that is only two years away from my "old" age. It is 46 that I plan to have already come to terms with the fact I can't laugh without needing to pee, that I can't hide the two "Pitman" wrinkles passed down to me from your Koro and that you are already pleading with me to dye my hair to hide the stainless steel silvers. I'm not freaking out over getting older mind you, I can't wait for each crevice in my hand to have its own story... to reveal the experiences, the loves, the hurts, the wisdom and the goodness of life. The goodness of God.

We had a huge trip to Auckland yesterday as you know, you always know when were going to Auckland cause you get so excited that you try to kick and headbutt your way out of the womb. (The only reason it doesn't work is cause you are not Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops so I don't blame or judge you for not being up to par with his abilities). The thing I didn't tell you though is that it wasn't a "shopping" expedition. Sorry to disappoint you. (One day I'm also going to point up into the sky and say "LOOK AT THE PLANE [can't reveal name till she's born] !" pointing up out over the opposite side of the car as your Father sneaks us past "Rainbows End").

One thing you are unaware of right now is you we're going to be a little Sister. Yesterday we had an adoption meeting but realised your "could've been sister" (who is actually your third cousin) is going to be better off with her other family. As much as we would have loved to raise her, we had to put her needs before our own. So you my baby are going to have to put up with being the firstborn. I can't wait to teach you how to do laundry.

The reason I started writing this letter is because I wanted to talk to you about boys. One day your "Boys are gross" filter will unfortunately dissolve into oblivion and you will begin to take notice of their smelly ways. Your Dad wants you to get married at 77, but you might have to remind him that he married a TEENAGER! ewww.

One thing your Jia Jia taught me is that there are boys that want the girl with the short skirts and small shirts. The one you want is the one that loves you for your purity and your love for God. You don't have to dress less for male attention. You don't want the one that gives attention to you for that.

At this moment in time, it is ridiculously easy to "fall" in the way of purity. It was hard for me. It could even be harder for you. If you do fall, if you do make mistakes, have the courage to admit it. Get back up. Deal with the consequences. Ask for forgiveness. Learn from it. Take responsibility.

Always remember, if you do make mistakes, no matter how much pain and regret your decisions may cause, I'm always here to hug you, to understand you, to cry with you, to speak the truth to you. Learn from my mistakes. Learn from others mistakes. Read your Bible. No, actually.

Keeping yourself for your Husband is almost unheard of today. God wasn't being a killjoy when he put pen to paper about that. But before I get too carried away I will save the more indepth "sex" talk until you start asking me to buy you razors (for your legs, hopefully not your face).

Just incase I haven't put you off completely, here's a list that just might:

• Just because a boy is a Christian, doesn't mean he doesn't have hormones.
• Don't underestimate the "being yourself" approach. It's when you can be yourself in a relationship that you will be happiest. It is what attracted me to your Father.
• Let a boy buy you dinner. Buy him dinner too.
• Don't waste a single Saturday night waiting for "him" to call. It will only hurt you if he doesn't.
• Listen to your head. Don't always rely on your heart.
• Don't always trust your emotions.
• Don't play with his emotions.
• Be honest about your intentions and values. Expect honesty back.
• Don't neglect your friends to keep spending time with him. Have a blooming garden of friends, not just a weed ridden bunch.
• Never force love to be. It will happen if it is supposed to.
• Ask God about His opinion.
  

Our futures are defined by our choices, not the chances we may take along the way. If you wake up oneday wondering how you got there... you made your bed and lied in it too, so follow your faith, your beliefs, your heart, your passions.

Look at me! being all Motherly with advice and all.

June 10th 2009 was when we saw those two pink lines on that pee stick, your Father and I got so excited that we almost had to change each other's nappies. It took one failed strip and two positives to convince us to go to the Doctor though... both your Father and I are Olympic Procrastinators, and regardless of our example, you're going to fight a genetic urge to put things off until they are almost past due. Kapeesh?

September the 5th 2009, I felt your first kick. You obviously knew we were away at your Aunty Lyndas beach house having the time of our lives so you wanted to join the action too (Aunty Lynda is actually your third cousin too, she will insist on you just calling her Lynda... but she sooo secretly likes being called Aunty). I didn't feel your next movements until three days later... you let me know you had arrived by booting my poor overly used bladder a couple times. As for now? GO TO SLEEP!

You have a pattern where you kick three times and stop, so we'll be relaxing on the couch when your Dad is all of a sudden ripped over to my side by the arm as I force his hand to my belly after your first kick. He has only felt you kick once... and he wasn't even sure if it was a kick or if his hand just twitched... it could have been his hand twitching (he IS older than dirt and I'm starting to think he'd like me to start pureeing his steak so he doesn't have to chew it) but we promise not to hold that against you, at least not until you come home with piercings in your face and then WE WILL TOTALLY HOLD IT AGAINST YOU.

Love, Mama.

xo

Trade Me (Summer) Lovin

In between cleaning a handful of my filthish house, working a paper hat into my ensemble and looking up gross things on Google Images, I had a sweet little package or two arrive on my doorstep today.

I'm the EXTREME cheapskate bargain slayer, so when these treasured vintage finds arrived for me, ME! I was completely delighted and surprised and romanced and massaged all at once.

They were not cheap, no, no, nor were they purchases I had made.

They came in plastic courier bags and were signed from a mighty manly Pirate that goes by the name of "One Tooth Van Horne" (so this place tells me) .... otherwise known as my hot Hubby.

What a Charmer!

I just love how he plays the "I'm gonna pretend I'm not listening to a thing you say regarding the stuff you like on Trade Me" card and then completely surprises me out of the blue actually purchasing the two very things I've dreamed over for the last like two YEARS!!!!

EEEE!!!!

(If they were food I probably would have scoffed and regurgitated them over and over by now).

All together now, "Awwwwwwww".

Thats my man!

I can't wait to throw Cats at teenagers with him in our old age....

Go and be awesome.

Mr Honey

Mr Honey is always watching

She's baaaaaack!!!

Well, well, well.... look what the smelly cat dragged in, a fatty that can't fit her pants anymore.

Yay to be back!

I got knocked up and vomited my WHOLE first trimester, hence the no show.

They should teach you that in Puberty class I reckon... that'd scare the kids straight.

No joke, I am at a weird in-between twilight zone space at the moment... nothing I own fits cause they're all too small, and none of my new maternity clothes fit cause they're all too big! Hello!! Can't someone please cut me some slack and just pretend to believe me when I say my jeans shrunk in the wash??

Speaking of which... lets briefly talk about Dan's pocket knife. It's a cute little thing, small enough to fit in the front pocket of his overalls without being too bulky, nifty enough to fit into the little screw to tighten the legs on my sunglasses, sharp enough to help out while assisting a Cow in Calf. Needless to say it's a very versatile tool, used for anything from opening an envelope, to cutting twine, to slicing an apple or even for cutting your pregnant wife out of a dress.

*Blink*

Not just any dress mind you. My favourite reeeeeally expensive cocktail dress. I'm one of those girls that knows what I like and what I don't like, eg. I don't like following the latest trends, I like individuality as much as I like the classics. And this dress was a Hepburn classic

*Blink*Blink*

We were off to a Cocktail party one Saturday night.

I was completely freaked out cause I had nothing that fit over my baby gut.

I got hit with the great idea to stuff myself into my favourite Hepburn dress.

I sucked the baby into my spine and got the hardest part hooked up, the eyehook at the top. Yuss!!

I then made my husband stop mowing the lawns.

He had to assist me in zipping it up the rest of the way as I was determined not to take my flesh getting caught in the zip as a warning.

After about ten minutes of sweating and panting and looking the eye of the Tiger square in it's... .. well, eye... we got the zip closed.

I was okay with feeling a little light headed and not being able to take in a full breath, cause being four and a half months pregnant could not stop me from looking fabulous for just ONE NIGHT... right? RIGHT!?

I was all made up and ready to go.

Bent to put my heel on when the zip completely popped.

I felt my lungs and skin suck in the relief.

I cried as if someone died, which then turned into wailing when I couldn't get the eye hook undone.

Dan appeared out of nowhere with his pocket knife in tow and shot me a look as if to say "Me Tarzan, you Jane, me throw you over my shoulder and we swing on vine off into sunset".

He saved my life and sliced the side of the dress open.

I was then so fed up I ripped the dress completely off down the side.

I regretted that decision immediately.

Laughing or crying were my only options.

Since I'd already cried and didn't want to ruin my makeup, I chose to laugh. Dan joined and reminded me I'm carrying a baby so of course things don't fit.

The scary aftermath:

Sorry Enrique Iglasias, but Dan can be my hero baby... and you should really stop singing that song anyway.

Well besides all that, I'm loving being pregnant. I love the little kicks I'm getting and that I finally have something to show for all these weeks of being energy robbed.

Let me tell YOU though... being Pregnant has NOT got me any special treatment whatsoever!

FOR INSTANCE

My Mum made a surprise visit from Australia and was booked into one of the Motels in town as she was planning to spend one day here and the rest in Auckland with the rest of our family. Deciding to stay with her we shared a room.

I grabbed the single bed and left her to the double bed.

There was a single bed and couch in the lounge that my two Aunties claimed.

So we were all sorted and ended up watching Sky in bed. Nice.

I drifted off into a beautiful and comfortable sleep with my pillow from home when I was abruptly awoken at around 2am by what sounded like Rhinoes being hunted and screaming in pain. Looking around I found there were no Rhinoes, only three 50 year old menopausal women snoring the night away. I closed the door to the lounge to faint the sound of both my Aunties going to town so I only had to deal with Mum.

I tried putting my fingers in my ears, I tried Mr Beans sock trick only it worked for him and completely did nothing for me, I even tried putting my pillow over my head risking death from suffocation.

Nothing was sufficient.

I woke Mum five times in five minutes to tell her she was snoring.

She apologised each time at least.

She tried to blame it on my Aunties and then tried to blame it on me!!!... ME!!!

I wished at that moment the Cops had a special division that deals with notorious snorers that have little to none respect for others, cause I woulda been all over that.

"Mum, I am WIDE AWAKE, I know the sound of snoring people in the next room as much as I know the sound of someone snoring right next to me. YOU WERE SNORING!".

She apologised again.

Drifted off.

Retreated to snoring her little head off.

I contemplated sleeping in the car, but since it wasn't mine and my Hubby had deserted me earlier on in the night, I settled for the only other option:

Yes Sir, that is the cold tiled Bathroom floor.

Since I don't really know how to end this entry, I'm going to tell you that I really need to go do my daily exercises when really all I'm going to do is sit on the couch, eat Icecream and give Dan the beats at Snowboarding on PS2.

Woo!

T.I.L.T: Things I Love Thursday.

• Imagining working at GOOGLE!

-Got the Munchies? Google have 11 gourmet Cafeterias where you can chow down on breakfast, lunch and dinner... oh yeah, it's ALL FREE!

-They snack rooms which contain various lollies, cereals, nuts, yogurt, carrots, fresh fruit etc, and dozens of different drinks including fizzy drinks, smoothies and cappuccinos.... and yup... ALL FREE
-You have the option of being picked up and driven to work by the high tech WiFi bio-diesel bus too, but if you choose to drive, you are not left out. Onsite car washes and oil changes are among the numerous perks Google offers to all its workers.
-Want to buy a hybrid car? The company will give $5,000 toward that environmentally friendly end.
-They have their own FREE Hairdressing Salons on site... naturally.

-Care to refer a friend to work at Google? Google would like that too, and it'll give you a $2,000 reward.
-Just have a new baby? Congratulations! Your employer will reimburse you for up to $500 in takeout food to ease your first four weeks at home.
-Gyms, personal trainers, nutritionists, wave pools, spa pools, rowing machines, locker rooms, volleyball pits, massages, child care, five onsite Doctors, and personal concierges that arrange dinner reservations are all what working at Google and getting FREE stuff is all about.

-Hate doing your Laundry? Meh, bring it to work and have it all done and ready for you by the morning tea break.
-Can't be bothered walking anywhere? let the FREE custom detailed motorized Scooter you got given to zoom through the halls do all the work.
- Hate leaving your Animals at home unattended? BRING YOUR PETS TO WORK!

- If employees need a break from their desk, Rock climbing walls, Pool Tables, Foos ball, Video Games, Ping Pong, Roller Hockey are some of the options available to recharge the mind.

-In the mood for a mental workout? Googlers can also study Mandarin, Japanese, Spanish and French, or visit the mobile library.
-Tired Googlers can take a break in a decompression (stress) capsule that is impermeable to sound and light.

-On each floor, there are private cabin areas where employees can attend to personal affairs.

-Take a break in a self-controlled massage chair…while you zone out watching aquariums.

-Additional perks include ski trips, company movie days, summer picnics, holiday parties, health fairs, quarterly group offsites, a credit union, saunas, roller hockey, outdoor volleyball pits, discounts for products and local attractions.

With all of these perks and resources available, why would employees ever need to leave the workplace?

It’s no wonder Google is so successful.

• Colourful Aprons
• Blackboards
• Forts
• Flashlights
• Jetsons
• Cool guys in movies that don't look at explosions behind them, instead they walk off in slow motion
• Manly Men, doing manly stuff: Like last Tuesday about 5.30pm, remember when you got that whiff of something that permeated the air and you couldn't quite put your finger on what it was? It was my Husband at our farm dump carving up a 4 day old dead Cow with a small pocketknife for dog meat.
• People that ruin photo's

• Coming across a record by my brothers Dad. No Joke.
• Deer Heads.
  

• Genuine Leather Wallets.
• Finding my "hair twin".
• Top Gear "make your own Limo".
• Marc Ellis getting tasered by Matthew Ridge.
• Grapefruit juice and lemonade.
• Rocking chairs.
• Feather Pillows.
• Thick warm socks.
• Reading in Cafes.
• Ambrosia.
• Cartwheels.
• When Oprah isn't about losing weight, Dr Oz or infidelity.
• New hairstyles.
• Taking high heels off after a long night, ahhhhhhhhhh!.
• After two years finally getting your braces off... mmm slimy.
• That feeling in your tummy when you go really high in a swing.
• Unexpected two ply toilet paper in public toilets.
• Getting the booth side of a restaurant table.
• Hearing and seeing pictures of a friends Circus themed wedding!! so clever and fun!!
• Staring contests.
• Dan and I wearing red noses. Just cause.
• Tummy rubs for my big fat seal looking dog.
• Lying in a hammock.
• My wonderful Husband surprising me with making dinner or cleaning the entire kitchen.
• Improv Everywhere, seriously this is the most awesome site I've come across in ages! my favourites include, McDonalds bathroom attendant, Suprise Wedding Reception, Human Mirror, Hi Five Escalator, Welcome Back.... sheesh, everything on this site is fun!
• The extra chips at the bottom of the Maccas bag.
• Ferris Bueller.
• Latte Art.

• Thinking its Thursday when it's Friday
• Farmers Markets.
• Man Vs. Wild featuring Will Ferrell.
• Kush Balls.
• Full House.
• Drumstick Pencils.
• Finally seeing the whole Statue on Lost.
• Spaghetti with WAY too much Parmesan.
• Emily Deschanel.
• Taking the sympathy serving of the pasta salad no-one has touched at a "bring a plate" lunch. What a great Christian thing to do.
• Fedoras.
• My back cracking when I sneeze.
• TOPSY TAILS!! eeeee!! "School time, Play time, Anytime". I used to want one of these when I was 6 and still do!.
• Watching my Dogs cuddle awwww.
• Roast Pumpkin.

Anywho, that's about it for this week of T.I.L.T, I'm getting back to Improv Everywhere to see what else these pranksters have been up to...

To infinity and beyonnnnd.......

Fortnight round up:

1. 2.

You know it's Winter when it's warmer outside than it is inside.

You know it's Winter when you hear a whirring come from the other side of the toilet door only to discover it's your Husband with the fan heater warming the toilet up before he does his bizz.

You know it's Winter when someone breaks into your rental property to steal the HOT WATER CYLINDER! it took me ages to be able to laugh at that, but man... a hot water cylinder?

(At least they were considerate and didn't break the window. )

Well, my fortnight has been chocka block of happenings and events, kicking off at number 20.

20. Someone stole our Hot Water Cylinder!!!!

19. The Nat rat turned 21 and threw a 1950's party!

Apparently Nat was an ugly baby, I dont remember... I just remember her putting me off wanting to go to Church by singing "Were following Jeeeeesus, just like Matthew, Peter and John". She had some ugly years though, namely getting her big people teeth, but then grew into them and gave me nits. Love you little Sis. xo

Sing it Gramps.

18. My house is completely sterile. It shines more then my Daddio's bald head (and no it's not because my Computer is broken.... I take my Wifely duties seriously... sometimes). Thanks Mum for teaching me cleanliness is next to the crazy train. I'm even bold enough to say my entire house is cleaner than PEARL BROWNS! *gasp!*..... just don't ask me if I cleaned the Ceiling or behind the Stove... I don't want to lie to you.

17. I got woken up pretty abruptly at about 4.30am on Wednesday morning. By nothing in particular. I remember how Samuel was awoken, so I asked, "is that you Lord?". I got up and through His Word was spoken to about being expectant, keeping an eternal perspective and when things are difficult... keep hiking. Nice.

16. I tried to teach Steve's girlfriend how to speak "Hori". She has since kept her distance.

15. I stared at an old man in town that was wearing no shoes but socks. I felt convicted that night, and realised I should have bought him a pair. (I could even have given him mine but I reckon socks with high heels are so nineties.)

14. I discovered the awesomeness of .... "BIBLEMAN". Soak it in my friends. Soak it in.

Cypher: "You sure know your Bible"

Bibleman: "That's why they call me.... BIBLEMAN"

(Cue "Dun Dun DUNN!" music with a face zoom-in).

13. My new D.I.Y project! I'm so excited about this but can't reveal it until it's done and given to the intended recipient. *Sigh*. Watch this space. (NOT LITERALLY). Watch out Paisley Jade, Betty aka "Martha Stewart" is comin for you. (NOT LITERALLY). I don't actually know why I just bought Paisley Jade into all this, she's an innocent bystander.... I think cause she's Supermum and is very threatening at being the most awesome chick on the Planet. You need to wear a cape Paisley Jade... and have a utility belt loaded up with recipes, crochet patterns, bandaids, maybe a Softie here and there... maybe a child here and there...

12. I made the most amazing breakfast for myself and my favourite fleabag yesterday when the Hubby was at Mahi. When it comes to cooking for myself, I tend to opt out and go for an easy alternative.... like toast. Not yesterday. I'm not as much of a pro when it comes to pancakes as my Husband is, but I thought it was about time I gave myself some tender lovin care and made pancakes for my Dog and I. I just hope he doesnt have a heart attack.

11. Someone stole our Dog Kennel!!!!!! and it wasn't even cool enough to steal, we would've given it away.

10. I have some AMAZING and SHOCKING news that can't be revealled until....... (and no I'm not pregnant! get original eh!)

9. I dared Dan to rock on the little rocking horse at the National Bank while we were waiting for our Banking Consultant, he looked at me and told me to settle down or he'll disown me.

8. WE'RE SELLING OUR HOUSE!!! I know, I know what a bad time to sell, but if Kevin Luke can't talk us out of it, then NO-ONE can talk us out of it. Ka Ching!

7. I came across the funniest and coolest old ads that are pretty sexist towards Women. Cmon ladies, see the funny side...



6. My Mum is an amazing Woman. She lives in another Country. She has 6 laughs. She has a cool superhero title, "Captain". She starts preparing for Christmas in January. She sends me massive boxes of cool things like Clothes, Jewellery, Trinkets, Vege books, Oils etc. She always wins when we have pinching wars. She's 5"1 and at perfect height for me to rest my arm on her head. She wasn't a lot older than I am when we lost our Dad but fought on raising 3 Children on her own. She has the funniest sense of humour and quickest wit. She always knows the right things to say. She has so much experience to teach us from. She always encourages me in ways I never expect. She is the best cook I know, right up there with my Asian Aunty, Aunty Marcella. She always sounds soooo excited to hear my voice when I say "Hi Mum" in a phone call. And I can't wait for her to visit in September! Love ya Mama! xo

5. I managed to snatch up three books I've been wanting to read for aaaages from the local Library and I didn't even have to hold anyone at knifepoint!."Adam" and "Saint" by Ted Dekker, and the second book "Forgiven" in the "Firstborn" series by Karen Kingsbury. Two awesome Christian Authors that are in hot demand and that I hardly ever find. Woot! (For the record, I don't carry knives with me, but I reckon one of those swiss army card things could be handy).

4. I drank the yuckest carrot juice from that lolly shop in the "Town Basin". I generally love carrot juice, but this one tasted like they left the green stalk on it and possibly threw in a handful of dirt.

3. I'm bored of my Cat. He used to be fun. Now he's full of mood swings and only interested in three things. 1. Food. 2. Sleep. 3. Meowing when it's got to an important part in a movie.

2. I watched "Chocolat" while eating chocolate.

1. The bestfriends multiplied and now have a beautiful baby human!!! Congratulations Onerahi G's.

Let me tell you, I'm actually glad we finally got through last week, it was long and seemed neverending.
Looking forward to the adventures God has in stall ahead...