How to overcome Procrastination:

I'll get back to this later.

Drive Thru and Aliens

Dan and I share alot of interests.

• Romantic strolls around "The Warehouse"
• Criticising Bacon and Egg Menus and make decisions on who gives the stingiest amounts of butter at the different Cafe's around our town.
• Driving past Cyclists with our arm out the window winding them in an anti-clockwise motion, round and round like were about to give them the biggest slap on the bum in their lives.
• Frequenting the Auctions with less "Har Har I told you so" regrets than last time.
• We like to do several laps round the Video store only to come out with the first DVD we picked up.
• We have fluid "dont even have to think about it" movements in the drive thru.

Our minds and mouths can be talking over something as comprehensive as politics *cough* yet our bodies continue to function with minds of their own...
Dan while looking at me completely engrossed, blindly punches in his pin number then automatically has his right hand out the window awaiting his card and reciept.
I'm clearing the drink holders of old receipts, hairclips and pens, tidying the room at my feet from my handbag and shoes I've most likely kicked off, which I grab with my right hand and extend to the back of Dans seat as he is handing me the bag of food that I grab with my left hand and replace the newly emptied space with... Dan would already have the drinks in their appropriate holders and I would then be breaking the seals of the straw packets to poke through the lids... all the while discussing how much Rodney Hyde looks like a lawn gnome.

My point is, we are One. But we are maaaany. And from all the lands on Earth we come. We share a dream. And sing with onnnnnne voice. I am. You are. We are Australian.
I actually didn't expect to write that last line. It's a song. That further proves that my body does have a mind of its own.

But we ARE one. We like to be in sych with eachothers likes and dislikes.
We share heaps of things things as likes but we also have a string of things we cant agree on as likes.

Example:

• I like Vintage shopping. Dan likes not coming with me.
• Dan likes Fishing. I like when that means were going off a wharf or a boat, not when it means scrawling razor rocks cliffhanger style and returning from 12 hour course with cuts on your face and most other extremeties.
• I like Markets, walks in the park, festivals, star gazing, boardgames, concerts, Auckland.
• Dan likes tools, landscaping, what seem like monthly "Pirates of the Caribbean" Marathons, RD1 browsing, "Country Calendar", talking about grass and buying a Ute.

So when we come across something that we both like, we grab it with both hands, take it hostage and beat it up a little bit.
The TV Heavens parted my friends. The TV Heavens parted and gave us "V".
We both love mumbo jumbo fakey flakey stuff, so when a new show comes out BY THE CREATOR OF "LOST" we were all over it.
But especially cause it's about Aliens.

I spoke to a Telemarketer today.
She sounded a bit weird.
The cat hissed for no reason.
A Cow just completely appeared on my property out of nowhere.
And she called when I was sleeping. They ALWAYS do.

After watching a little TV, it dawned on me.
She's an Alien.

The human race has been absorbed with the idea of life on other planets.
That old guy Astronaut Buzz Aldrin reckoned he saw something when he went to the Moon.
He's got himself a trustworthy face. I believe him.

So how to workout if you are talking to one:

Ask them. If they say no, they're an Alien.
No Alien would ever admit to being an Alien.

I have my suspicions about what areas they thrive in too.
Mainly in electronics.
Or Fashion...
Or Corner Stores.
Or at Burger King in Whangarei on State Highway 1.
(They always stuff up your order... it is obviously an assessing tactic. They are gathering data and reports on the Human race and our reaction times so they can be well prepared for taking over our Planet).

If you know someone that catches on a bit too quickly with operating a cellphone or DVD player or is a bit too keen to hook up your internet connection... it's possible they are used to an even more advanced technology... technology of Alien origin.

Other tell tale signs:
-Snoring. This is obvious communication with the Mothership.
-No savings. Alien culture has evolved so much that money is obsolete thus dealing with money is a struggle as it is an unfamiliar concept.
-Pregnancy. Swollen feet and sticky outy bellybuttons. Need I say anymore.
-Cows go missing. They then reappear wearing "I've been to Sector 5 of Galaxy 6 and survived" T-Shirts.

Although I have no concrete proof there are Aliens out there, just believe me... they're out there.

How To:

Make an inspiration board:

(Wooooh!)

You will need:

• A Husband. Or someone good at DIY stuff.
• Corkboard, Project board or whatever other kind of board that can handle pins and staples being stabbed into it frequently.
• Some purrrrty fabric to cover the board.
• A Jigsaw or something to cut the board to size if you have an "off piece".
• Staple Gun.
• Elastic fabric.
• Pins.
• Inspiration.

Step 1: Measure the board.

Step 2: Cut it to size.

Step 3: Cut fabric, stretch it to be nice and tight across the board and staple it.

Step 4: Take over from Husband, cause by now you are arguing about how tight to stretch it and where EXACTLY to staple it. I love you Dan.

Step 5: Get creative. I put pink elastic across my board. Looks nice against the maroon velvet. I've also got turquoise string to add to it.

Step 6: Ka Ching!

Go my pretties.

Time to get inspired.

How:

How Metrosexual is your Worship Leader?
Courtesy of an email sent to me by Jess Chambers, areas of it edited into my own liking.

1. Has a faux hawk hair style = +12.
2. Has more product in his hair than your wife = +13.
3. Has Rob Bell, black rimmed glasses = +14.
4. They are not prescription, but just for effect = +25.
5. Attends the Hillsong Conference = +36.
6. Performs at the Hillsong Conference = +107.
7. Owns , Chuck Taylor, Puma, Vans or Diesel sneakers = +2 per each pair.
8. Wears jeans on stage = +19.
9. Wears designer jeans on stage = +210.
10. Wears Wrangler or Rustler jeans on stage = -311.
11. Has a goatee = +212.
12. Wears one of those Castro revolution looking hats = +213.
13. Drinks coffee on stage = +114.
14. Drinks some kind of coffee you did not know existed = +215.
15. Brings a French Press on stage and makes his own coffee during service = +516.
16. Has a handlebar mustache = -317.
17. Good at Frisbee but hates getting all "sweaty" = +118.
18. Has a haircut that covers one of his eyes while singing = +119.
19. Owns a white belt = +220.
20. Owns suspenders = -321.
21. Wears a scarf with a t-shirt = +122.
22. Wears a winter knit hat even in the summer = +223.
23. You think he covered a My Chemical Romance song last week = +324.
24. Drives an Audi or VW, silver of course = +225.
25. Uses the words, "postmodern, relevant" or "emergent" nonstop = +226.
26. Cringes a little when people say the "H word." (Hymnal) = +327.
27. Has ever said some form of the phrase, "That song is so 1990s" = +128.
28. Owns a Grizzly Adams red and black flannel shirt = -229.
29. Named his kid after a color or a number = +230.
30. References Norwegian punk bands you've never heard of = +231.
31. Wears a tie = -132.
32. Wears a tie as a belt = +233.
33. Looks as if he might exfoliate = +234.
34. Has a man bag or European Carry All = +235.
35. Brings bag on stage with him = +236.
36. Has a tattoo = +237.
37. Has a visible tattoo = +438.
38. Wife accompanies him on stage and plays tambourine = -439.
39. Was formerly in a punk new wave band = +240.
40. Knows the names of all the people on the scripted MTV show, "the Hills" = +341.
41. Refuses to drink anything but Vitamin Water = +242.
42. Your wife ever says, "he needs a barrette for his hair." = +243.
43. Has a nickname with "the" in it, as in "the edge," = +244.
44. Owns every Nooma video = +245.
45. Has a soul patch = +346.
46. Won't play barefoot on stage until he gets a pedicure = +247.
47. Owns a pair of lady jeans = +250.
48. Twitters you from his iPhone = +251.
49. His toddler dresses cooler than you = +252.
50. He wears graphic t-shirts over button down, long sleeve shirts = +253.
51. Ever says "we got a hot mic here" = -454.
52. Shops at the Warehouse = -55.
53. Shops at Hallensteins = +2.
54. Shops at Blue Revolution = +20.
55. Shops at Diesel = +100.
    
    
    

OFFICIAL SCORE SHEET:

0 - 10 points = Hymnal Hero.

You my friend are what is known in the industry as a "Hymnal Hero." You're not metro in the least bit. You don't like fruit flavoured chapstick and think that songs that were written in this century, or the last one for that matter, are "too new." If married, your wife tries to get you to wear hip jeans but you're not into it. When my hymnal cologne comes out, you will buy a case.

11 - 20 points = Tomlin Curious.

Oh, well hello there, you're Tomlin Curious. I am of course referring to Chris Tomlin, one of the founding fathers of metrosexual worship leading. You're currently dipping a toe, pedicured even, into the idea of all of this. You were probably a former hairdresser and still rock the occasional hymn. Recently you saw a wide leather bracelet in a shop and thought about getting it. When you sleep at night you can hear voices calling you, "come style your hair, come frost your tips".

21 - 40 points = Goatee Guy.

Right now, you're wearing Pumas and drinking a coffee that has fourteen words in its name. You've gone over to the Salmon side. (This is the side where instead of saying "pink" you say things are "salmon" or "melon" or "coral.") You rarely play a hymn and style yourself after Jeremy Camp. For breakfast you had something with "wheat grass" in it.

41 - 60 points = Girl Jeans Gambler.

You're thinking about it. I mean you're not ready to do the guyliner thing, but when you shop for clothes you get a little tempted. You've never sung a hymn and think Chris Tomlin is "too traditional."

61+ points = The Joel.

You are Joel Houston of Hillsong United. Not only does he have a tattoo on his right arm, hangs out with creative types like photographers and poets a lot, he's funny and can bust out an instant, "I'm a serious rockstar worship leader" face on cue. He's got that "Kings of Leon" smelly but clean look and is the David Beckham of Metrosexual Worship Leaders. If you manage to reach this level then you are on another planet my friend, the Joel planet.