Betty's Blogazine

IM BACK! Briefly....

2010-06-24T16:59:00.000-07:00

Hey hey!

Long time no speaky... so HEAPS has happened since my last blog... I finally popped the weeny one out after being 10 days overdue, such a dramatic little missy and I've also started up another blog that I'm intending on being "the chief" blog as I think I have a better idea or vision... so I can say it's "Betty's Blogazine" no more.
I'll continue on and move over the "Dear not-charlotte" posts so please be patient with me as I get it all up and running... and I'll probably move over a few other things I've had happening over here, I'll be changing up the names, so keep ur eyes out.
I'll also try to be more frequent with my posts! sheesh talk about irregularity, but I'm determined this is my year of discipline and change.
So if you're ready and keen to follow me into the woods, put some gumboots on and start here.

See you soon!

Why I think Licences should be considered VOID once you hit 70:

2010-01-26T18:08:00.000-08:00

I followed this lil old lady from Dip Road, Kamo to New World, Regent which according to Google Maps covers a distance of 6.4 km.

Speed limit = 50km/hr.

Speed she travelled = 30km/hr.

I also found my first 1/4 of a grey hair when I got home.

I've been infected.

And am in quarantine.

Tell Dan I love him.

Tell Mum that when I had to use crutches for that swollen bruised foot I had in Year 10, it wasn't from dropping a crate of Library books on it. It was from bunking School with Faith Colbert and trying to make a bridge across a stream in the Kariong bush.

Lord give me strength.

How to overcome Procrastination:

2010-01-19T12:56:00.000-08:00

I'll get back to this later.

Drive Thru and Aliens

2010-01-17T16:23:00.000-08:00

Dan and I share alot of interests.

Romantic strolls around "The Warehouse"
Criticising Bacon and Egg Menus and make decisions on who gives the stingiest amounts of butter at the different Cafe's around our town.
Driving past Cyclists with our arm out the window winding them in an anti-clockwise motion, round and round like were about to give them the biggest slap on the bum in their lives.
Frequenting the Auctions with less "Har Har I told you so" regrets than last time.
We like to do several laps round the Video store only to come out with the first DVD we picked up.
We have fluid "dont even have to think about it" movements in the drive thru.

Our minds and mouths can be talking over something as comprehensive as politics *cough* yet our bodies continue to function with minds of their own...
Dan while looking at me completely engrossed, blindly punches in his pin number then automatically has his right hand out the window awaiting his card and reciept.
I'm clearing the drink holders of old receipts, hairclips and pens, tidying the room at my feet from my handbag and shoes I've most likely kicked off, which I grab with my right hand and extend to the back of Dans seat as he is handing me the bag of food that I grab with my left hand and replace the newly emptied space with... Dan would already have the drinks in their appropriate holders and I would then be breaking the seals of the straw packets to poke through the lids... all the while discussing how much Rodney Hyde looks like a lawn gnome.

My point is, we are One. But we are maaaany. And from all the lands on Earth we come. We share a dream. And sing with onnnnnne voice. I am. You are. We are Australian.
I actually didn't expect to write that last line. It's a song. That further proves that my body does have a mind of its own.

But we ARE one. We like to be in sych with eachothers likes and dislikes.
We share heaps of things things as likes but we also have a string of things we cant agree on as likes.

Example:

I like Vintage shopping. Dan likes not coming with me.
Dan likes Fishing. I like when that means were going off a wharf or a boat, not when it means scrawling razor rocks cliffhanger style and returning from 12 hour course with cuts on your face and most other extremeties.
I like Markets, walks in the park, festivals, star gazing, boardgames, concerts, Auckland.
Dan likes tools, landscaping, what seem like monthly "Pirates of the Caribbean" Marathons, RD1 browsing, "Country Calendar", talking about grass and buying a Ute.

So when we come across something that we both like, we grab it with both hands, take it hostage and beat it up a little bit.
The TV Heavens parted my friends. The TV Heavens parted and gave us "V".
We both love mumbo jumbo fakey flakey stuff, so when a new show comes out BY THE CREATOR OF "LOST" we were all over it.
But especially cause it's about Aliens.

I spoke to a Telemarketer today.
She sounded a bit weird.
The cat hissed for no reason.
A Cow just completely appeared on my property out of nowhere.
And she called when I was sleeping. They ALWAYS do.

After watching a little TV, it dawned on me.
She's an Alien.

The human race has been absorbed with the idea of life on other planets.
That old guy Astronaut Buzz Aldrin reckoned he saw something when he went to the Moon.
He's got himself a trustworthy face. I believe him.

So how to workout if you are talking to one:

Ask them. If they say no, they're an Alien.
No Alien would ever admit to being an Alien.

I have my suspicions about what areas they thrive in too.
Mainly in electronics.
Or Fashion...
Or Corner Stores.
Or at Burger King in Whangarei on State Highway 1.
(They always stuff up your order... it is obviously an assessing tactic. They are gathering data and reports on the Human race and our reaction times so they can be well prepared for taking over our Planet).

If you know someone that catches on a bit too quickly with operating a cellphone or DVD player or is a bit too keen to hook up your internet connection... it's possible they are used to an even more advanced technology... technology of Alien origin.

Other tell tale signs:
-Snoring. This is obvious communication with the Mothership.
-No savings. Alien culture has evolved so much that money is obsolete thus dealing with money is a struggle as it is an unfamiliar concept.
-Pregnancy. Swollen feet and sticky outy bellybuttons. Need I say anymore.
-Cows go missing. They then reappear wearing "I've been to Sector 5 of Galaxy 6 and survived" T-Shirts.

Although I have no concrete proof there are Aliens out there, just believe me... they're out there.

Cheers Countdown. Cheers.

2010-01-15T17:15:00.000-08:00

"Shop Smarter at Countdown - Yeah Right."

Towel Watch: 13th Jan 2010, Day One.

2010-01-12T09:11:00.000-08:00

Before: Tuesday 9:45pm.
After: Wednesday 6:19am.

Cause I refuse to be the nagging wife...

That Man Dan

2010-01-11T16:39:00.000-08:00

I love him cause:

He's either not willing to oblige in photos....

Or he's too willing...

He's kind to animals:

(Bobby on a chain)

(Bobby the Exclusive Bretheren)

(Dances with ~~wolves~~ sheep)

(Sparkler VS. Buck)

(Bobby meets the roof)

(Yanking Mr Tumnus's horns)

(Teaching Bobby bad habits)

DISCLAIMER: No animals were harmed in the taking of these photos.... unless you count their dignity.

He always finds what he's looking for:

(On the rampage looking for the Cookies that I hid. He found them. R.I.P Cookies.)

He's an amazing cook:

(This picture really does no justice to this AMAZING Burger. I'd happily eat it again over Burger Fuel.)

He's ingenious:

(He made a capflap)

( He made me a preggy belly bed to watch TV)

He buys me things unexpectedly:

He's subtle:

(I forget to throw shampoo bottles out so we end up gathering somewhat of a collection in the shower. I found these in the carport. He'd thrown them out the bathroom window.)

(Proving that he's not the only one that leaves empty toilet rolls in the can.)

He's my hero:

(One day he saved my life by cutting me out of a death dress... with his pocket knife)

He's brave and eats my experiments:

His revenge is NASTY:

(I was wearing his beloved "comfy pants" so he paid me back by wearing my clean robe, singlet and undies over his filthy cow poo ridden overalls until I took the pants off and put them back.)

He's real good at taking my picture:

He fixes my broke stuff:

He gave me her:

This list will never come close to capturing even the slightest essence of the very man I married.

He's a discrete giver and it's hard for me not to shout from the roof tops all the amazing things he does in private.

But since you asked, here are some points:

*He gives away his hard earned work bonus's.

*He's only taken 1 sick day in our 4 years of marriage.

*He tried adopting an abused child.

*Last week he told me to do nothing.. no cleaning, no cooking and gave me money to spend on myself in town.

*He's the first to step in when someone is being treated unjustfully.

*He's quick to forgive me for my wrongs.

*He builds me up in public.

*He flares his nostrils when he's trying to keep a straight face.

*He doesn't mind singing a bit of SuBo in the shower.

*He warms up my side of the bed in Winter.

*He makes me a coffee EVERY morning.

*He always gives me the biggest glass of coke.

*He sings Spice Girl songs at the top of his lungs with me in the car.

*He's a perfectionist on the BBQ.

*He never strives for recognition.

*He made and keeps our vege garden in pristine condition.

*He sings to my preggy belly.

*He can make anything.

*He includes others.

*He isn't hairy.

*He lets his farts out the bottom of the bed.

*He squashes disgusting bugs for me.

*He picks me flowers.

*He's a "Gleek".

*He wrote his future wife a letter in India before he knew me and read it out during our wedding reception.

*He has a kangaroo dance.

*He takes me to Auckland to shop monthly.

*He looks good driving Utes.

*He looks even better driving Tractors.

*He wants to assemble EVERYTHING.

*He always has a good idea.

*He finds this, this and this as hilarious as I do.

*He always knows what to do.

*He's loyal (to me, friends and employers).

*He never exaggerates.

*He never pretends to be somebody else.

*His eyes are like the ocean.

*He loads the dishwasher every morning.

*He makes perfect gravy.

*He's all mine.

I love you Dan.

I'm greatful you chose me to be your wife.

xo.

LETTERS TO [CAN'T REVEAL NAME TILL SHE'S BORN] # 2.

2009-11-17T19:46:00.000-08:00

You mean I'm not supposed to be eating raw chicken?.

Dear Not-Charlotte,

(November 2009)
In two days we will begin the T-minus 10 week count down. This week you get eyelashes.. the very things that will oneday make you regret using mascara from all the stray ones that get swallowed up by your eye socket and make permanent home behind your eyeball.

I'm now breathing like a ten pack-a-day smoker since you now favour pushing all my innards into my mouth and what feels like you punching your little pillow into shape under my ribs.. I'd see the funny side if everytime you kicked my ribs they would make xylophone sounds like it does in cartoons. But they don't. So I'm not laughing. Only wincing in pain and secretly wanting your Dad to run to my side with every creak and moan I have... only he doesn't... he apparently doesn't read minds.

You are now extending your little limbs and leaving them hanging out in mid air. The last letter I wrote you, your Dad only felt you kick once... he has since had you kick him in the face and viciously boot 20 times in a row when he was running his hand over you... its okay... we tell eachother that you're just being "playful". We've agreed though that you don't like your Midwife. Your kicks seem more deliberate for her.

You're only a third of the body weight you're apparently going to be and I already am wondering if they have seat belt extenders for cars. If this is any indication we're going to give birth to the female Hulk Hogan, then I can't wait for you to go on wrestling tour and pay for our retirement. We could live with you on your wrestling tour bus and drink a couple non alchy beers after each show. WHO SAYS YOUR MAMA CAN'T HANG?

(December 2009)
It's officially December now, and man I wish you were a year old already, I'd totally be decking out the Christmas tree and wrapping up wrapping paper for you since that seems to be all babies are interested in when it comes to presents. Don't worry though Not-Charlotte, your Jia Jia is already putting away Christmas presents for you next year... she just expects to have first dibs on your name cause naming her own children and your uncles children apparently wasn't enough.

We went for our first swim of the summer over the weekend.
I envisioned refreshing romantic weightlessness on my back being carried along top fluffy pillows of waves. But it was brief. Not so much romantic. And more on the freezing side of refreshing.

I had a second of weightlessness lying on my back as I didn't count for the fact that I now carry a keg of liquid, guts, goop and extra human on my front so I bobbed over like a head heavy cork and was too scared to touch the ground cause of the seaweed. So I almost drowned in a metre of water.

They would've sent out the rubber duckie and I could've got on Piha Rescue if I were at Piha. Then someone would've made up shirts of my pregnant silhouette, tummy down in a metre of water screaming for help and sold them at the Sunday carboot markets in the carpark under the Whangarei Cinemas. They would've sold out to an overwhelming demand that they would then turn it into a business. Then they would start up a dot.com and sell internationally. One of those countries would be a country well call the U, S and A. They'd then get an appearance on the Nickelodeon red carpet by someone famous, like Rob Pattinson and get a mention when Guiliana Rancic asks "Who are you wearing?". Then all Americas tweens would beg their parents to get the same shirts for them for Christmas. One of those young kids would be Corby... Gails daughter. Gails bestfriend Oprah would hear about what Gail got Corby for Christmas and think it would be a good idea to find out more about this shirt as it sounds like another possible fad that has hit the planet, like "Skip It's" and "Pet Rocks", "Koosh Balls" and "Mood Rings" and feature it as a possible upcoming fad that we shouldn't all buy into on her next show. After some investigation by her people, they would come to the conclusion that these shirts don't fall into the "Fad" category. But it would be more practical to feature the company itself on her show in the "Rags to Riches" feature scheduled for next Month as Wikipedia details that this company obviously had their fair share of rags beginning in a carboot under a Cinema Complex. The company would then feature on Oprah and become so big the internet would blow up.

And all because of you and me.

But it didn't happen like that cause the seaweed floated past so I was brave enough to stand up.... and I wasn't at Piha.

Speaking of your Dad, (I know we weren't actually speaking of him in the previous paragraph but I wanted to bring him into conversation, so the first thing in my mind for beginning this new paragraph was "Speaking of your Dad" thus the "Speaking of your Dad" part at the beginning of this paragraph) he's already practicing walking your pram up and down the hallway. He's totally cool. Guess what he did? since you and I didn't make it to Church on Sunday (did you know that? I'm sorry, I know how much you like the Drums and Bass and clapping and people poking and prodding you - but I was sore and swollen and tired so we couched the morning away) your Dad went in and played Bass.

Not expecting him to come home with anything more than the Milk we needed to get us through till our usual grocery day he walks in with lunch and a MANGO and a MILKSHAKE MIX!! and an amazingly dreamy COT!!! and a fancy CHANGING TABLE SLASH BATH SLASH STORAGE THING ON WHEELS!!!! What a man. (Did you notice how I built it up with the use of Capslock, exclamation marks, the bold feature, Italics and a splash of colour? that's called education. Stay in school.)

As far as Husbands go, Dan Van der Man is totally boss. He is the cheese to my macaroni.

No doubt there will be times when you leave the house in frustration or anger, it doesn't matter what reason, don't ever leave without telling him you love him. Ever.
Appreciate him.
Tell him how awesome the gardens and lawns look.
How perfect his steak cooking abilities are.
How much of a hard worker he is.
Laugh at his jokes and make him cups of coffee without being asked.
One day he won't be there anymore so don't leave room for regrets and "should'ves".
It's the relationship with your Dad that will give you best indication of your level of worth.
Listen to him. The things he says and the things he doesn't.
He's your hero.
If you go by his example of what to expect in a man, you'll find a good thing.

I totally looked down just now and saw the remnants of what used to be recognisable as human feet. They've apparently been replaced with those of an Elephant. Just for that you can't wear makeup till your wedding day.

I so can't wait to give you your first taste of lemon.

I do love you though, you truely are the heartbeat of life. I've decided to ignore all the horrid stories I've been told about birth. They'll only rob me of the joy of these last weeks. Besides someone elses horror story doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be the blueprint of my experience. I trust that my body knows what to do. That you are perfectly and wonderfully made. For that I thank God. I'm just sorry that on your birthday your Koro and your Poppa wont be there to hold you close, but believe every word when I say that you would be the very love of their lives. Your Jia Jia keeps saying that your Koro would make the trip out to our place everyday after work just to give you a chocolate fish. I tend to believe that. Thats the type of man he was. You may never have met him but you can be proud that you are part of his line. His moko.

Since my eggo is indeed preggo and am for shizz up the spout, I was recently given a Magazine on healthy and active pregnancy and was pretty disappointed when I read that I'm actually supposed to be exercising.. but not as disappointed as I am that the mammoth act of getting out of bed and clothing myself doesn't count. I think if the person that wrote that article actually witnessed the contortions, the self body boosting and experienced a bit of the pain and the sweat it takes me just to get out of bed, then they'd voluntarily throw their internet PHD's out the window and go get slapped by their Mama's. I found it pretty interesting the article was written by dude too. There's just something about the presence of a pregnant woman that suddenly makes everyone in the room an expert on the health of unborn children. Bless em.

You haven't even been born yet and I'm already getting on the "my baby will be at school soon" crazy-train. Then you will have your own Caleb Smith that sits on your lunch box and tries to lure you into the boys toilets with orange wedges. Just make sure you scream loudly and tell him your Daddy has a gun... just like your Mama did when she was 5. And when you're 8, don't go marrying those Jason Rooke's on the field at School... it'll only follow you around for the rest of your life and even find it's way into a speech by your Head Bridesmaid on your REAL Wedding day. But ALWAYS wear undies or one of those Kohatu Harris's will down trail you when you take a sip of water at the drinking fountain and then when you get into an arguement with him later on he'll pull out the "At least I wear undies" line. Complete burn.

Well baby girl, this is the last day of 2009. Thank you for holding out like a good girl and not making your trip down the creek without a paddle too early. Only 5 weeks until the day of Waitangi, Bob Marleys birthday and your approximate expulsion date and then its Prison Tatts, Ciggies and Moonshine here I come! Hahaha no, no... but I will be all over Sushi, Red Bull, painting my toenails, chasing the dog when he eats the rubbish, sleeping on my tummy and eating swine flu pork and raw chicken just like a rash! Woo!

But most of all, I can't wait to meet you and to see your Dads reaction to your meconium.

Love, Mama.

Letters to [can't reveal name till she's born] #1.

2009-09-29T13:03:00.000-07:00

Boys.

Dear [can't reveal name till she's born],

Four days ago, it was your 21st week of swimming in a big liquid pool anniversary. One day it will be your 21st birthday! *clutches heart in anxiety* and I will be...... *gulp* 44.

44! that is only two years away from my "old" age. It is 46 that I plan to have already come to terms with the fact I can't laugh without needing to pee, that I can't hide the two "Pitman" wrinkles passed down to me from your Koro and that you are already pleading with me to dye my hair to hide the stainless steel silvers. I'm not freaking out over getting older mind you, I can't wait for each crevice in my hand to have its own story... to reveal the experiences, the loves, the hurts, the wisdom and the goodness of life. The goodness of God.

We had a huge trip to Auckland yesterday as you know, you always know when were going to Auckland cause you get so excited that you try to kick and headbutt your way out of the womb. (The only reason it doesn't work is cause you are not Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops so I don't blame or judge you for not being up to par with his abilities). The thing I didn't tell you though is that it wasn't a "shopping" expedition. Sorry to disappoint you. (One day I'm also going to point up into the sky and say "LOOK AT THE PLANE [can't reveal name till she's born] !" pointing up out over the opposite side of the car as your Father sneaks us past "Rainbows End").

One thing you are unaware of right now is you we're going to be a little Sister. Yesterday we had an adoption meeting but realised your "could've been sister" (who is actually your third cousin) is going to be better off with her other family. As much as we would have loved to raise her, we had to put her needs before our own. So you my baby are going to have to put up with being the firstborn. I can't wait to teach you how to do laundry.

The reason I started writing this letter is because I wanted to talk to you about boys. One day your "Boys are gross" filter will unfortunately dissolve into oblivion and you will begin to take notice of their smelly ways. Your Dad wants you to get married at 77, but you might have to remind him that he married a TEENAGER! ewww.

One thing your Jia Jia taught me is that there are boys that want the girl with the short skirts and small shirts. The one you want is the one that loves you for your purity and your love for God. You don't have to dress less for male attention. You don't want the one that gives attention to you for that.

At this moment in time, it is ridiculously easy to "fall" in the way of purity. It was hard for me. It could even be harder for you. If you do fall, if you do make mistakes, have the courage to admit it. Get back up. Deal with the consequences. Ask for forgiveness. Learn from it. Take responsibility.

Always remember, if you do make mistakes, no matter how much pain and regret your decisions may cause, I'm always here to hug you, to understand you, to cry with you, to speak the truth to you. Learn from my mistakes. Learn from others mistakes. Read your Bible. No, actually.

Keeping yourself for your Husband is almost unheard of today. God wasn't being a killjoy when he put pen to paper about that. But before I get too carried away I will save the more indepth "sex" talk until you start asking me to buy you razors (for your legs, hopefully not your face).

Just incase I haven't put you off completely, here's a list that just might:

Just because a boy is a Christian, doesn't mean he doesn't have hormones.
Don't underestimate the "being yourself" approach. It's when you can be yourself in a relationship that you will be happiest. It is what attracted me to your Father.
Let a boy buy you dinner. Buy him dinner too.
Don't waste a single Saturday night waiting for "him" to call. It will only hurt you if he doesn't.
Listen to your head. Don't always rely on your heart.
Don't always trust your emotions.
Don't play with his emotions.
Be honest about your intentions and values. Expect honesty back.
Don't neglect your friends to keep spending time with him. Have a blooming garden of friends, not just a weed ridden bunch.
Never force love to be. It will happen if it is supposed to.
Ask God about His opinion.

Our futures are defined by our choices, not the chances we may take along the way. If you wake up oneday wondering how you got there... you made your bed and lied in it too, so follow your faith, your beliefs, your heart, your passions.

Look at me! being all Motherly with advice and all.

June 10th 2009 was when we saw those two pink lines on that pee stick, your Father and I got so excited that we almost had to change each other's nappies. It took one failed strip and two positives to convince us to go to the Doctor though... both your Father and I are Olympic Procrastinators, and regardless of our example, you're going to fight a genetic urge to put things off until they are almost past due. Kapeesh?

September the 5th 2009, I felt your first kick. You obviously knew we were away at your Aunty Lyndas beach house having the time of our lives so you wanted to join the action too (Aunty Lynda is actually your third cousin too, she will insist on you just calling her Lynda... but she sooo secretly likes being called Aunty). I didn't feel your next movements until three days later... you let me know you had arrived by booting my poor overly used bladder a couple times. As for now? GO TO SLEEP!

You have a pattern where you kick three times and stop, so we'll be relaxing on the couch when your Dad is all of a sudden ripped over to my side by the arm as I force his hand to my belly after your first kick. He has only felt you kick once... and he wasn't even sure if it was a kick or if his hand just twitched... it could have been his hand twitching (he IS older than dirt and I'm starting to think he'd like me to start pureeing his steak so he doesn't have to chew it) but we promise not to hold that against you, at least not until you come home with piercings in your face and then WE WILL TOTALLY HOLD IT AGAINST YOU.

Love, Mama.

Trade Me (Summer) Lovin

2009-09-22T21:41:00.000-07:00

In between cleaning a handful of my filthish house, working a paper hat into my ensemble and looking up gross things on Google Images, I had a sweet little package or two arrive on my doorstep today.

I'm the EXTREME ~~cheapskate~~ bargain slayer, so when these treasured vintage finds arrived for me, ME! I was completely delighted and surprised and romanced and massaged all at once.

They were not cheap, no, no, nor were they purchases I had made.

They came in plastic courier bags and were signed from a mighty manly Pirate that goes by the name of "One Tooth Van Horne" (so this place tells me) .... otherwise known as my hot Hubby.

What a Charmer!

I just love how he plays the "I'm gonna pretend I'm not listening to a thing you say regarding the stuff you like on Trade Me" card and then completely surprises me out of the blue actually purchasing the two very things I've dreamed over for the last like two YEARS!!!!

EEEE!!!!

(If they were food I probably would have scoffed and regurgitated them over and over by now).

All together now, "Awwwwwwww".

Thats my man!

I can't wait to throw Cats at teenagers with him in our old age....

Go and be awesome.

Mr Honey

2009-09-22T15:11:00.000-07:00

Mr Honey is always watching

She's baaaaaack!!!

2009-09-14T14:59:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well.... look what the smelly cat dragged in, a fatty that can't fit her pants anymore.

Yay to be back!

I got knocked up and vomited my WHOLE first trimester, hence the no show.

They should teach you that in Puberty class I reckon... that'd scare the kids straight.

No joke, I am at a weird in-between twilight zone space at the moment... nothing I own fits cause they're all too small, and none of my new maternity clothes fit cause they're all too big! Hello!! Can't someone please cut me some slack and just pretend to believe me when I say my jeans shrunk in the wash??

Speaking of which... lets briefly talk about Dan's pocket knife. It's a cute little thing, small enough to fit in the front pocket of his overalls without being too bulky, nifty enough to fit into the little screw to tighten the legs on my sunglasses, sharp enough to help out while assisting a Cow in Calf. Needless to say it's a very versatile tool, used for anything from opening an envelope, to cutting twine, to slicing an apple or even for cutting your pregnant wife out of a dress.

*Blink*

Not just any dress mind you. My favourite reeeeeally expensive cocktail dress. I'm one of those girls that knows what I like and what I don't like, eg. I don't like following the latest trends, I like individuality as much as I like the classics. And this dress was a Hepburn classic

*Blink*Blink*

We were off to a Cocktail party one Saturday night.

I was completely freaked out cause I had nothing that fit over my baby gut.

I got hit with the great idea to stuff myself into my favourite Hepburn dress.

I sucked the baby into my spine and got the hardest part hooked up, the eyehook at the top. Yuss!!

I then made my husband stop mowing the lawns.

He had to assist me in zipping it up the rest of the way as I was determined not to take my flesh getting caught in the zip as a warning.

After about ten minutes of sweating and panting and looking the eye of the Tiger square in it's... .. well, eye... we got the zip closed.

I was okay with feeling a little light headed and not being able to take in a full breath, cause being four and a half months pregnant could not stop me from looking fabulous for just ONE NIGHT... right? RIGHT!?

I was all made up and ready to go.

Bent to put my heel on when the zip completely popped.

I felt my lungs and skin suck in the relief.

I cried as if someone died, which then turned into wailing when I couldn't get the eye hook undone.

Dan appeared out of nowhere with his pocket knife in tow and shot me a look as if to say "Me Tarzan, you Jane, me throw you over my shoulder and we swing on vine off into sunset".

He saved my life and sliced the side of the dress open.

I was then so fed up I ripped the dress completely off down the side.

I regretted that decision immediately.

Laughing or crying were my only options.

Since I'd already cried and didn't want to ruin my makeup, I chose to laugh. Dan joined and reminded me I'm carrying a baby so of course things don't fit.

The scary aftermath:

Sorry Enrique Iglasias, but Dan can be my hero baby... and you should really stop singing that song anyway.

Well besides all that, I'm loving being pregnant. I love the little kicks I'm getting and that I finally have something to show for all these weeks of being energy robbed.

Let me tell YOU though... being Pregnant has NOT got me any special treatment whatsoever!

FOR INSTANCE

My Mum made a surprise visit from Australia and was booked into one of the Motels in town as she was planning to spend one day here and the rest in Auckland with the rest of our family. Deciding to stay with her we shared a room.

I grabbed the single bed and left her to the double bed.

There was a single bed and couch in the lounge that my two Aunties claimed.

So we were all sorted and ended up watching Sky in bed. Nice.

I drifted off into a beautiful and comfortable sleep with my pillow from home when I was abruptly awoken at around 2am by what sounded like Rhinoes being hunted and screaming in pain. Looking around I found there were no Rhinoes, only three 50 year old menopausal women snoring the night away. I closed the door to the lounge to faint the sound of both my Aunties going to town so I only had to deal with Mum.

I tried putting my fingers in my ears, I tried Mr Beans sock trick only it worked for him and completely did nothing for me, I even tried putting my pillow over my head risking death from suffocation.

Nothing was sufficient.

I woke Mum five times in five minutes to tell her she was snoring.

She apologised each time at least.

She tried to blame it on my Aunties and then tried to blame it on me!!!... ME!!!

I wished at that moment the Cops had a special division that deals with notorious snorers that have little to none respect for others, cause I woulda been all over that.

"Mum, I am WIDE AWAKE, I know the sound of snoring people in the next room as much as I know the sound of someone snoring right next to me. YOU WERE SNORING!".

She apologised again.

Drifted off.

Retreated to snoring her little head off.

I contemplated sleeping in the car, but since it wasn't mine and my Hubby had deserted me earlier on in the night, I settled for the only other option:

Yes Sir, that is the cold tiled Bathroom floor.

Since I don't really know how to end this entry, I'm going to tell you that I really need to go do my daily exercises when really all I'm going to do is sit on the couch, eat Icecream and give Dan the beats at Snowboarding on PS2.

Woo!

T.I.L.T: Things I Love Thursday.

2009-06-17T16:16:00.000-07:00

Imagining working at GOOGLE!

-Got the Munchies? Google have 11 gourmet Cafeterias where you can chow down on breakfast, lunch and dinner... oh yeah, it's ALL FREE!

-They snack rooms which contain various lollies, cereals, nuts, yogurt, carrots, fresh fruit etc, and dozens of different drinks including fizzy drinks, smoothies and cappuccinos.... and yup... ALL FREE
-You have the option of being picked up and driven to work by the high tech WiFi bio-diesel bus too, but if you choose to drive, you are not left out. Onsite car washes and oil changes are among the numerous perks Google offers to all its workers.
-Want to buy a hybrid car? The company will give $5,000 toward that environmentally friendly end.
-They have their own FREE Hairdressing Salons on site... naturally.

-Care to refer a friend to work at Google? Google would like that too, and it'll give you a $2,000 reward.
-Just have a new baby? Congratulations! Your employer will reimburse you for up to $500 in takeout food to ease your first four weeks at home.
-Gyms, personal trainers, nutritionists, wave pools, spa pools, rowing machines, locker rooms, volleyball pits, massages, child care, five onsite Doctors, and personal concierges that arrange dinner reservations are all what working at Google and getting FREE stuff is all about.

-Hate doing your Laundry? Meh, bring it to work and have it all done and ready for you by the morning tea break.
-Can't be bothered walking anywhere? let the FREE custom detailed motorized Scooter you got given to zoom through the halls do all the work.
- Hate leaving your Animals at home unattended? BRING YOUR PETS TO WORK!

- If employees need a break from their desk, Rock climbing walls, Pool Tables, Foos ball, Video Games, Ping Pong, Roller Hockey are some of the options available to recharge the mind.

-In the mood for a mental workout? Googlers can also study Mandarin, Japanese, Spanish and French, or visit the mobile library.
-Tired Googlers can take a break in a decompression (stress) capsule that is impermeable to sound and light.

-On each floor, there are private cabin areas where employees can attend to personal affairs.

-Take a break in a self-controlled massage chair…while you zone out watching aquariums.

-Additional perks include ski trips, company movie days, summer picnics, holiday parties, health fairs, quarterly group offsites, a credit union, saunas, roller hockey, outdoor volleyball pits, discounts for products and local attractions.

With all of these perks and resources available, why would employees ever need to leave the workplace?

It’s no wonder Google is so successful.

Colourful Aprons
Blackboards
Forts
Flashlights
Jetsons
Cool guys in movies that don't look at explosions behind them, instead they walk off in slow motion
Manly Men, doing manly stuff: Like last Tuesday about 5.30pm, remember when you got that whiff of something that permeated the air and you couldn't quite put your finger on what it was? It was my Husband at our farm dump carving up a 4 day old dead Cow with a small pocketknife for dog meat.
People that ruin photo's

Coming across a record by my brothers Dad. No Joke.
Deer Heads.

Genuine Leather Wallets.
Finding my "hair twin".
Top Gear "make your own Limo".
Marc Ellis getting tasered by Matthew Ridge.
Grapefruit juice and lemonade.
Rocking chairs.
Feather Pillows.
Thick warm socks.
Reading in Cafes.
Ambrosia.
Cartwheels.
When Oprah isn't about losing weight, Dr Oz or infidelity.
New hairstyles.
Taking high heels off after a long night, ahhhhhhhhhh!.
After two years finally getting your braces off... mmm slimy.
That feeling in your tummy when you go really high in a swing.
Unexpected two ply toilet paper in public toilets.
Getting the booth side of a restaurant table.
Hearing and seeing pictures of a friends Circus themed wedding!! so clever and fun!!
Staring contests.
Dan and I wearing red noses. Just cause.
Tummy rubs for my big fat seal looking dog.
Lying in a hammock.
My wonderful Husband surprising me with making dinner or cleaning the entire kitchen.
Improv Everywhere, seriously this is the most awesome site I've come across in ages! my favourites include, McDonalds bathroom attendant, Suprise Wedding Reception, Human Mirror, Hi Five Escalator, Welcome Back.... sheesh, everything on this site is fun!
The extra chips at the bottom of the Maccas bag.
Ferris Bueller.
Latte Art.

Thinking its Thursday when it's Friday
Farmers Markets.
Man Vs. Wild featuring Will Ferrell.
Kush Balls.
Full House.
Drumstick Pencils.
Finally seeing the whole Statue on Lost.
Spaghetti with WAY too much Parmesan.
Emily Deschanel.
Taking the sympathy serving of the pasta salad no-one has touched at a "bring a plate" lunch. What a great Christian thing to do.
Fedoras.
My back cracking when I sneeze.
TOPSY TAILS!! eeeee!! "School time, Play time, Anytime". I used to want one of these when I was 6 and still do!.
Watching my Dogs cuddle awwww.
Roast Pumpkin.

Anywho, that's about it for this week of T.I.L.T, I'm getting back to Improv Everywhere to see what else these pranksters have been up to...

To infinity and beyonnnnd.......

Fortnight round up:

2009-06-04T18:51:00.000-07:00

1. 2.

You know it's Winter when it's warmer outside than it is inside.

You know it's Winter when you hear a whirring come from the other side of the toilet door only to discover it's your Husband with the fan heater warming the toilet up before he does his bizz.

You know it's Winter when someone breaks into your rental property to steal the HOT WATER CYLINDER! it took me ages to be able to laugh at that, but man... a hot water cylinder?

(At least they were considerate and didn't break the window. )

Well, my fortnight has been chocka block of happenings and events, kicking off at number 20.

20. Someone stole our Hot Water Cylinder!!!!

19. The Nat rat turned 21 and threw a 1950's party!

Apparently Nat was an ugly baby, I dont remember... I just remember her putting me off wanting to go to Church by singing "Were following Jeeeeesus, just like Matthew, Peter and John". She had some ugly years though, namely getting her big people teeth, but then grew into them and gave me nits. Love you little Sis. xo

Sing it Gramps.

18. My house is completely sterile. It shines more then my Daddio's bald head (and no it's not because my Computer is broken.... I take my Wifely duties seriously... sometimes). Thanks Mum for teaching me cleanliness is next to the crazy train. I'm even bold enough to say my entire house is cleaner than PEARL BROWNS! *gasp!*..... just don't ask me if I cleaned the Ceiling or behind the Stove... I don't want to lie to you.

17. I got woken up pretty abruptly at about 4.30am on Wednesday morning. By nothing in particular. I remember how Samuel was awoken, so I asked, "is that you Lord?". I got up and through His Word was spoken to about being expectant, keeping an eternal perspective and when things are difficult... keep hiking. Nice.

16. I tried to teach Steve's girlfriend how to speak "Hori". She has since kept her distance.

15. I stared at an old man in town that was wearing no shoes but socks. I felt convicted that night, and realised I should have bought him a pair. (I could even have given him mine but I reckon socks with high heels are so nineties.)

14. I discovered the awesomeness of .... "BIBLEMAN". Soak it in my friends. Soak it in.

Cypher: "You sure know your Bible"

Bibleman: "That's why they call me.... BIBLEMAN"

(Cue "Dun Dun DUNN!" music with a face zoom-in).

13. My new D.I.Y project! I'm so excited about this but can't reveal it until it's done and given to the intended recipient. *Sigh*. Watch this space. (NOT LITERALLY). Watch out Paisley Jade, Betty aka "Martha Stewart" is comin for you. (NOT LITERALLY). I don't actually know why I just bought Paisley Jade into all this, she's an innocent bystander.... I think cause she's Supermum and is very threatening at being the most awesome chick on the Planet. You need to wear a cape Paisley Jade... and have a utility belt loaded up with recipes, crochet patterns, bandaids, maybe a Softie here and there... maybe a child here and there...

12. I made the most amazing breakfast for myself and my favourite fleabag yesterday when the Hubby was at Mahi. When it comes to cooking for myself, I tend to opt out and go for an easy alternative.... like toast. Not yesterday. I'm not as much of a pro when it comes to pancakes as my Husband is, but I thought it was about time I gave myself some tender lovin care and made pancakes for my Dog and I. I just hope he doesnt have a heart attack.

11. Someone stole our Dog Kennel!!!!!! and it wasn't even cool enough to steal, we would've given it away.

10. I have some AMAZING and SHOCKING news that can't be revealled until....... (and no I'm not pregnant! get original eh!)

9. I dared Dan to rock on the little rocking horse at the National Bank while we were waiting for our Banking Consultant, he looked at me and told me to settle down or he'll disown me.

8. WE'RE SELLING OUR HOUSE!!! I know, I know what a bad time to sell, but if Kevin Luke can't talk us out of it, then NO-ONE can talk us out of it. Ka Ching!

7. I came across the funniest and coolest old ads that are pretty sexist towards Women. Cmon ladies, see the funny side...

6. My Mum is an amazing Woman. She lives in another Country. She has 6 laughs. She has a cool superhero title, "Captain". She starts preparing for Christmas in January. She sends me massive boxes of cool things like Clothes, Jewellery, Trinkets, Vege books, Oils etc. She always wins when we have pinching wars. She's 5"1 and at perfect height for me to rest my arm on her head. She wasn't a lot older than I am when we lost our Dad but fought on raising 3 Children on her own. She has the funniest sense of humour and quickest wit. She always knows the right things to say. She has so much experience to teach us from. She always encourages me in ways I never expect. She is the best cook I know, right up there with my Asian Aunty, Aunty Marcella. She always sounds soooo excited to hear my voice when I say "Hi Mum" in a phone call. And I can't wait for her to visit in September! Love ya Mama! xo

5. I managed to snatch up three books I've been wanting to read for aaaages from the local Library and I didn't even have to hold anyone at knifepoint!."Adam" and "Saint" by Ted Dekker, and the second book "Forgiven" in the "Firstborn" series by Karen Kingsbury. Two awesome Christian Authors that are in hot demand and that I hardly ever find. Woot! (For the record, I don't carry knives with me, but I reckon one of those swiss army card things could be handy).

4. I drank the yuckest carrot juice from that lolly shop in the "Town Basin". I generally love carrot juice, but this one tasted like they left the green stalk on it and possibly threw in a handful of dirt.

3. I'm bored of my Cat. He used to be fun. Now he's full of mood swings and only interested in three things. 1. Food. 2. Sleep. 3. Meowing when it's got to an important part in a movie.

2. I watched "Chocolat" while eating chocolate.

1. The bestfriends multiplied and now have a beautiful baby human!!! Congratulations Onerahi G's.

Let me tell you, I'm actually glad we finally got through last week, it was long and seemed neverending.
Looking forward to the adventures God has in stall ahead...

T.I.L.T: Things I Love Thursday.

2009-05-27T18:27:00.000-07:00

Holy Moly Roly! its Thursday and I almost forgot my T.I.L.T post!

Hangon to your Bombay Bloomers ladies I've got alot of Link Love, here we go:

Comic books.
Animals sleeping.
Iced Coffee.
Healthy eating.
Baptisms.
Heels.
Jazz.
Nostalgia.
Long hair.
O for awesome.
100's and 1000's.
The colour pink.
Vintage cards.
Sequins.
Red Bull.
When the power comes back on after a power cut.
Art School.
Sending Postcards to strangers across the world. I'm sending my first on Monday.
Design School.
Lists.
Sommersaults.
Apples.
Accents.
Tights.
Dots.
Catching stuff in your mouth.
Cool dreams that you remember when you wake up.
Seaside.
Countryside.
Making up songs.
Stationary.
Lattes.

Dressing like a gypsy.
"The one that was lost" - written by my beautiful friend Claire Hill who serves as the Territorial Youth Consultant at THQ for the Salvation Army, Australia.
Cherry blossoms.
Super Mario Bros.
Finding money you didnt know you lost.
Happy guy painting trees:
Undies hot out of the dryer.
Chicks with rock voices *cough RACH cough*.
Drum solos.
Roaring and crackling fires.
Acoustic Worship.
Connecting with songs.
The smell of Vanilla.
TVNZ on demand, so you never miss another episode of LOST.
Exploring deserted buildings.
The sweet sounds of a Ukelele.
Clever photography.
Watching little sparrows jump around.
Warm nights.
Retro.
Listening to Omega from the Parachute band's testimony on Youtube.
Rockabilly.
Whimsical Photography.
Route 66.
The Oboe.
The Salvation Army index finger salute.
Dreaming of the States.
Ipod blaring when I walk through town, it's like I'm in my own movie.
Old Cinema.
Lab coats.
Chocolate rain. I laughed so much at this.
Nerd glasses.
Freckles.
Essential Oils burning in an oil burner.
April fools.
Looking forward to things.
My sequinned Berets.
"The Great Divide" by Scott Stapp.
4 day weekends.
Finishing things.
Window shopping.
Fabric Softner.
Fresh air.
Flavoured stuff:
A mug of Milo warming my hands.
Pop tarts.
Disco balls.
Don't tase me bro!
Old school Spacies.
Old school Elastics.
Pretending to smoke Spaceman candy as a little kid.
Understated luxury.
Short painted nails.
Will an Iphone blend?
Impressing Dan with my juggling skills.
Wondering what a chair would look like if your legs bent backwards.
Guy Sebastian FOLLOWING ME ON TWITTER!!!
Red ribbons.
Flickr.
Bows.
Frames.
Draw your Dad.
Sparklers.
Paris.
Swallows.
Hot Rollers.
1950's Housewives.
Back in the day when $1 hot chips came with free sauce and could feed me and a friend.
Eeney meeney miney mo.
Playing and winning Marbles for keepsies, not friendlies.
People buying my junk on Trade Me.
All that was accomplished at the Cross.

Hope you take the time to think about the things you love, things that make you smile and the things that you are greatful for today.

The Screaming Baby Chronicles: Episode 1: Pre Arrival Party

2009-05-25T16:36:00.000-07:00

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the following words:

♥Gumboots,

♥Pearls,

♥Calf Barn,

♥Dresses,

♥Haybails,

♥A pregnant belly,

♥Fresh out of the Cow, Milk?

Alice in Wonderland Tea Party?

Me too.

A very pregnant friend of mine deserved a baby shower so this is it documented in photo form.

Invites: Front

Invites: Back

"Don't be late for a very important date. We are celebrating baby Harris' miracle of life. By order of the Queen of Hearts, you are hereby summoned to attend".

Croquet.

Esther had to cheat to keep up.

Bex being a good sport.

Hillbillies.

I made all the confetti and stars, the pain in my fingertips were way worse than the pain that comes with cutting your nails too short.

Our budget didn't allow for big luxurious club chairs. Haybails were the extent of it.

Oooooh.

Aaaaah.

Lanterns.

"Eat Me"... I did.

Intently hanging on every word.

Music:

Brooke Fraser. Michael Buble. Michael Battersby. Paul Wright. Shawn McDonald. Sixpence None The Richer. Colby Caillat. Goo Goo Dolls. Donovan Frankenreiter. James Morrison. Jack Johnson. Jason Mraz. John Mayer. The Fray. Lifehouse. Paul Wright. Paramore. Pete Murray. Righteous Brothers. Sade. Shooting Stars. Seal. Rob Thomas/ Santana. The Verve. Warren Barfield. Yellowcard. Robin Thicke. Ben Harper. Simon and Garfunkel. Norah Jones. Lynard Skynard. Eric Clapton. G. Love And Special Sauce. Simply Red. Fleetwood Mac. Gabriella Cilmi. Jamiroquai. Mark Ronson. Paula Cole. Phantom Planet.

We were tired of lame baby shower games so opted for a good ole game of Croquet and just sitting around eating, opening presents and drinking tea like ladies.

Unstructured parties are off the hizzay!

Back from the bludge.

2009-05-25T15:09:00.001-07:00

My creation, originally uploaded by superlizabeth.

Ok, so I'm not dead or locked up in the slammer.
I've been uber busy of late, and now things have slowed down a tad so I've got some spare moments to cash in on by adding some of my Flickr favs.

Today:
Is wet and rainy. Lovely weather to move the cat and steal its warm spot curling up on the couch, drinking a Milo and watching Dr. Phil.

Mood:
I feel old for 4 reasons:
1. I have two wrinkles.
2. My left knee creaks.
3. I forgot how old I was the other day.
4. I turned my neck to the left and completely pulled it, so now I'm all stiff backed and have to turn my whole body to look out the window.

To Do:
♦ Draw in new journal.
♦ Get out of Pyjamas.
♦ Stop avoiding laundry pile.
♦ Dust all the dust.
♦ Make an amazing lunch for Husband.
♦ Find a new hobby.

Music:
♠ Lead me to the Cross - Brooke Fraser
♠ Splish Splash I was takin a bath - Bobby Darin

Memory:
Getting my jacket caught in the train door while it was closing in Newcastle, Australia.

Right now, I wish:
I was reading a book under a willow tree with homemade lemonade in the Mississippi summer.

Polyvore

2009-05-12T17:03:00.000-07:00

I'm in a pink and purple mood today.

I'm not milking cows (WOO!) so I'm wasting my time on Polyvore drooling over all the cool stuff on there.

Mmm.

If I could, I'd be wearing this today.

Sipping a Latte at a Cafe in Paris.

Then I'd go buy a bread stick.

And pick flowers.

Then put it all in the basket on the front of my bike.

Pink by superlizabeth

How To:

2009-05-11T19:06:00.000-07:00

Make an inspiration board:

(Wooooh!)

You will need:

A Husband. Or someone good at DIY stuff.
Corkboard, Project board or whatever other kind of board that can handle pins and staples being stabbed into it frequently.
Some purrrrty fabric to cover the board.
A Jigsaw or something to cut the board to size if you have an "off piece".
Staple Gun.
Elastic fabric.
Pins.
Inspiration.

Step 1: Measure the board.

Step 2: Cut it to size.

Step 3: Cut fabric, stretch it to be nice and tight across the board and staple it.

Step 4: Take over from Husband, cause by now you are arguing about how tight to stretch it and where EXACTLY to staple it. I love you Dan.

Step 5: Get creative. I put pink elastic across my board. Looks nice against the maroon velvet. I've also got turquoise string to add to it.

Step 6: Ka Ching!

Go my pretties.

Time to get inspired.

Last Weekend In Pictures:

2009-05-11T18:10:00.000-07:00

Ick.

Smile when you're on stage...

Fixed.

Bobby's private life caught on camera.

Watching "Wolverine" Gold Class Cinema style, oh yeah, that's how I roll.
Church. Preach. Tabernacle.

T.I.L.T: Things I Love Thursday.

2009-05-06T23:23:00.000-07:00

Sharing your birthday with JOHNNY CASH!! oh it burns burns burns...
Doc Martens.
Parsley.
Pinata's.
Looking at my Wedding rings.
Getting organised.
Ear muffs.
Popeye.

Colourful umbrellas.
Hangi.
Solace on our water tower.
Oversized handbags.
Dog grunts.
Hummus.
The fact that Avocado now comes in PLASTIC CONTAINERS! (thanks Watties)
Cherry Tomatos.
Black and White photography.
Chuppa Chupps.
Wearing Dans button up shirts over jeans.
Faux Fur.
Christmas Starbucks flavours.
Spaceships.
Unclaimed baggage.

Robocop.
Roboboogie.
Water Taxis.
"Lost" Marathons.
Surround sound.
Sister Act 2.
Flavoured stuff: Cupcake Edition.
Fluffy slippers.
Paper hats.
Dolphins that come to your rescue when you're drowning at sea.
New Sock day. (When you get to wear new socks to work).
Cold, thundery, wet days spent inside warm with blankets, DVDS, hot chocolate and yum food.
Solving the puzzles on "Wheel of Fortune" way before anyone else.
Toe rings.
Fire crackers.
Not getting eaten by Sharks at the Beach.
Bad voice overed ads.
Dan being a Robot.
Wine descriptions: "Dappled, in a tapestry meadow", "A light summers rain on graphite","It is a little, shy wine, like a gazelle", "A prophet in a cave." - how someone gets this out of something that tastes like nailpolish remover blows my mind.
Spilling something, and realising it's not gonna leave a stain.
Watching one of my favourite movies then realising I've forgotten how it ends. Awesome.
Reminiscing over the fact that my name was gonna be PANIA! I kind of wish it was, so Dan could get embarrassed when he introduces me to someone, "This is my wife........Pania.....", and the other person would go, "I'm sorry? I missed her name?", then Dan embarrassed would reply a little louder, "Pania". And the other person would be all, "So Tania but with a P?" and Dan would be all "Yes." and then I'd interrupt, "You can call me Parns for short", then the other person would get all "So this weather has been atrocious lately". Riot.
"STOP. Hammertime"
When someone names their kid after you, or in my case, someone names THE QUEEN after you.
Pushing the little buttons on the McDonalds drink container.
"The Goonies".
Free Stuff:

Skipping stones.
"Star Wars" according to a 3 year old. It took a toddler to make me understand.
The Yellow Tree House in Warkworth, I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanna go here.

American Chopper.
Adventure Forest in Glenbervie.
Mentors.
Lipgloss.
Moisturiser.
A clean Mircowave.
Ninja Turtle Gumboots.
Highlighters.
Old people getting married.
Waking up before everyone else.
Glitter.
Fresh Music.
Window seats.
Turning your brain off.
Embracing yourself for who you are.
Frujus.
Nice. Tidy. Writing.
Uniqueness.
Being welcoming of change.
BFF's.
Tania Watters :)
Tugboats.
Food hampers.
Vouchers.
Getting on the Australian Idol Ad in 2003.
Text messages you DONT have to reply to. (UGH! I hate texting).
Velvet Elvis.
Ugly sweater parties.
Loud music.
Music notes.
Corkboards.
Mum reminding my 33 year old brother that when he was 13 and I was 4 that he used to put me on the roof of the house and make me jump off onto the tramp, then reminding him that I was the age his youngest daughter is now. He felt sick about it. Good. :P
Only one more milking until the weekend. WOO!
Going to Flame tomorrow. WEE!

Phat Peeps: #1

2009-05-03T14:59:00.001-07:00

Launching the new "Phat Peeps" - Profiling the Phattest People on the Planet...
(This list is harder to get on than "Forbes Richest People In The World".)

A huge congratulations to:

#1. CHUCK NORRIS.

Chuck Norris punched his way out of the womb and was born in the Mississippi Swamp on the back of a Tricycle. His Mother was going to leave him to be raised by wolves but quickly realised he was no ordinary child, on account of being born with a full beard wearing boots and a loaded gun.
Chuck Norris spent 200 yrs in a POW camp in Nam. He got so bored he made Rambo out of nothing but coconut husks and nail clippings.
Chuck Norris is also to be rumoured as a shapeshifter. His latest form taking shape as the New Zealand annoying Television personality, Jason Gunn.
When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, nothing appears. There can never be another Chuck Norris.
When there's a fire, you stop, drop, and roll. When there's a Chuck Norris, you stop, drop, and die.
Chuck Norris has a holiday home on the Sun.
Chuck Norris built Mount Everest with a bucket and spade and chased Sir Ed to the top of it.
P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet.
Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral. (Stink one Dan :P)
Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the real reason Kate had a cast on both wrists.
Chuck Norris can strike a match on a bar of soap.
Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris bound the twelve islands which made up Old Zealand together with bailing twine to make up the New Zealand we know today.
The reason New Zealand is virtually critterless is because of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
Chuck Norris is the reason Wally is hiding.
Chuck Norris knew who Suzy was before Jon Dylan did.
There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and footpaths.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris coughed and made the Kiwi bird flightless.
Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin behind his beard. He has another fist.
Macgyver can build a plane out of gum and paperclips. Chuck Norris can whoop him and take it.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a "Total Gym", he is one.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris infects swine flu.

CHUCK GALLERY:

God blessed America.
He gave them Chuck Norris.

Nunchucks.

The aftermath of Chuck Norris's paper run as a Child .

Have a Norrisified day.

Yakkity Yaks Between Me and He:

2009-05-03T14:00:00.000-07:00

Me: Can I have some Chapstick?

He: No it's my special Chapstick

*Crickets Chirping*

This Week in Pictures:

2009-04-30T18:11:00.000-07:00

Dan's retro radio. How suave.

Your name is written on the palm of His hand. And perhaps your undies.

Whittakers Kiwi Fruit Chocolate only ROCKS MY FACE OFF!

Be proud of that Maori Nose.

I have a "to do" list. Or five.

I love these old Photography books I bought from a Vintage Store. The old Kuia reminds me of my Great Nanny (she had a Moko too).

In a week I have managed to:

Flood my house.
Rack up a $92 dollar fine at the Video Store.
Undercook Chicken.
Find out our tenant not only is in jail and missed rent payments for 6 weeks, but they've left holes in walls, scribbles on walls, and ripped off our new wallpaper.
Leave the Cat inside so he peed inside.
Gotten frustrated at Cows for being slow. (So really, just for being Cows).

I can be a worrier at times but this week I know God has big blessings in store so I'm totally smiling like a lil creeper. WEEEE!!!

When life gives you lemons. Make lemonade. Then offer it to your neighbour.

Brotherhood, Mirrors and Nakedness.

2009-04-29T18:29:00.000-07:00

My brother recently became a Christian.

I have no words to express how joyful/greatful/emotional etc. this event has been for my Parents and myself as this event alone is a testimony that God is a prayer answering God.

I went to Australia to visit my brother in February as he'd hit some rough patches regarding just life in general, so I was hoping I could say something /offer something that would miraculously change him.
Yeah.
Apparently God didn't really wanna work that way.

Me: "Yes! I'm here to save the day",
God: "You have growing to do yourself",
Me: " I'm a hero, no autographs sorry",
God: "You're not the humblest person you know"
Me: "I should launch a line of "Betty" Merchandise while I'm at it",
God: "Don't make me pull out my lightening bolts".

(Obviously, the above conversation didn't really happen that way, but I do think God has an awesome and witty sense of humour, amazing half dinosaur half shark cars and most extravagant marshmallow and diamond treehouse mansions ever.)

I went over thinking it was HE that needed encouragement and advice but quickly found out that I apparently was the one on the recipients list.
Don't get me wrong, God used me while I was there. There is no doubt the majority of things that came out of my mouth were directly from Big Daddy, but I did not expect to be challenged, moved, encouraged and brought to my knees in the way I was.

Considering my brothers views toward God pre accepting Christ, I am in complete awe with how God turned this "Saul" character into a "Paul" character. (For his sake I'll spare the Saul details).

My brother has never been the academic.
He's the twenty seven year old man with the attention span of a four year old child.
He's the big half African American guy that looks like he'd beat people up in his spare time, but really..... he plays video games.
The loud one that always had to put "but" in when Mum growled him.
The one that ruins all movies by talking and telling you how it ends.
The one that gets you into trouble at School for making you laugh so hard at such inappropriate times.
The loudest one you know.
The most influential one you know.
The one with all the friends.
The one with the gift of making a stranger feel like a brother.
The one that befriends the homeless man.
The one that takes in the homeless man.
The one that is going into debt for the homeless man.
The one that brings 3 Taxi drivers to the Lord in one week.
The one that has absolutely no care for what others are saying about him behind his back at work, but tells them all he's praying for them.
The one that brings God up at any opportunity in any conversation.
The one that told his Boss who just informed him of being made redundant "God loves you". "I prayed He would give us this opportunity so I could tell you that, so that means He also answers prayer".
The one that goes up to the guy sitting at the bus stop, " Bro, God wanted me to meet you today. Do you realise that this very moment of us meeting he had planned before you were born?
Do you realise that he hears your cries and knows all the hurts you have been through in your life?
He wants you to come back to him today.
He has some plans for you that are going to change your life".

I am so inspired by my big brother.

He cried to me when we were talking on his couch.
He cried to me about how left out he felt when he walked into his Church.
Everyone had their own cliques.
Everyone looked at him no-one said "Hi".
Everyone left after Church together but without him.
He knew no-one and was desperate for a friend.
He was sad that this is how alot of Churches are.
He wasn't being judgemental.
He was talking from the heart. The truth.
I saw myself in those people.
I saw myself looking at the new person, the one seeking God, needing friends, needing to be discipled, needing answers.
I saw myself leaving after Church with my friends, perhaps offering a smile to that new person, then moving on to have lunch with my group.
I was ashamed at how a mirror exposed my reflection. At what I saw.
I was scared that it meant I had to change.
I was scared.
I was scared.
I was scared.

Why?

I'm the person that holds my cards up to my chest.
The one that wasn't good enough.
The one that was scared of what others might have thought.
The one that was decieved by the deciever.
The one that was naked.

"Who told you that you we're naked?" God asked me.
I could hear the hurt in His voice.
He'd asked this question before.
Many times through the years He must've asked this same question to Humanity.
"Who told you that you were naked?"
"Who told you that you weren't good enough?"
"Who told you that the opinion of others is above mine?"
"Who told you that you would never have children?"
"Who told you that you're ugly?"
"Who told you that you have to worry?"
"Who told you that I don't have you in my hands?"
"Who?"
"Who?"
"WHO!"

The answer is obvious. When you consider his role as a deceiver. He has played it well.
Consider your Creator.
Consider His Son.
Consider the price He paid.
Consider your brother.

T.I.L.T: Things I Love Thursday.

2009-04-29T13:46:00.000-07:00

The ten second rule.
Getting the Cereal/Milk ratio just right.
Vogel Bread.
Getting a Truckie to beep their horn.
Mini punch no returns.
New sheets.
Flies that die in the WEIRDEST and smallest places (ie. in the cordless phone cradle, I mean they have a whole desk to die on yet their focus in their last breath of life is making it to the phone cradle.
Twisting off the stems of Apples.
Imagining making "Betty's" line of cologne for that Manly Man:

-"Meat Pie" smell - for that Manly Man that would eat meat in any way, shape or form.
-"Grass Clippings" smell - for the DIY Man that cracks a sweat and a thirst.
-"Rain on Cement" smell - for the real Man that stands on the side of the road with "Stop" sign
-"New Book" smell - for the brainy Man that reads alot and earns major pingas.
-"H20" smell - for the health conscious Metro that would probably also carry a "Man Bag".
-"Burnt Matchsticks" smell - for the Pyromaniac in every Man.
I walked past a Man in the Supermarket last night, I swear he was wearing "Pure Gasoline". What a Manly Man that Man was.

The Accordian.
Piglets.
Anchors.
Free Hugs.
Free Stuff.
Joy Bar Icecreams.
False eyelashes.
Holding hands.
Pistachio Nuts.
Dresses.
My now ancient Ipod.
Poetry.
Bobby wearing a Bib.

Our Man couch.

(Note the Whittakers Chocolate Bar. I'm gonna eat it today.)
Second hand Books.
Kissing in the rain awwww.
A purring Cat in my lap.
Payday!
New shoes that don't squeak.
An expert foot massage.
Roasted Pumpkin.
Dinosaurs.
Paper dolls.
Caravans.
Mexican Wrestling Masks.
Vintage Luggage.
Arts and Crafts.
Museums.
Art Galleries.
Street signs.
Disco balls.
Connect Four.
Saying "Neh".
Pirate ships.
Fake Moustaches.
Butterfly Magnets.
Thermos's.
Pez Dispensers.
The Winter Show.
Chalk on the sidewalk.
My first pair of red Chuck Taylors when I was five and played Tiny Tot Hockey.
Salvation Mountain (look it up).
Step on a crack you'll marry a rat.
Freckle fart from K-Mart.
Eclipse Mints.
Hearing Parents say "it's all the rage".
Autumn!!!! Autumn!!!! Autumn!!!
Did I mention Autumn?
Sunrises.
Sunsets.
Shiny things.
Lift Plus.
Pineapple Lumps.
I CANNOT wait for Burgerfuel to hit our crazy ghost town.
Eating Icecream with a teaspoon.

Yakkity Yaks Between Me and He:

2009-04-26T18:07:00.000-07:00

(CONTEXT: Conversation about working out our Love Languages).

He: "So what's it called when you like receiving gifts but not giving them?

Me: Being selfish.

T.I.L.T: Things I Love Thursday.

2009-04-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

♥ Dan wiping up his crumbs

♥ Heart Lollipops

♥ Flowers in my hair

♥ Yum Shower Gel

♥ The Body Shop

♥ Hazelnut Body Butter

♥ When my Baking doesn't burn

♥ Ginger Beer

♥ Dan's fake Italian accent

♥ A clean house

♥ A good thick Coffee Mug

♥ Tree climbing

♥ Walking round Auckland with headphones on

♥ Juicy Peaches

♥ Swimming in the River

♥ Bear Grylls of Man Vs. Wild eating a giant bug. What a Champ.

♥ Corn on the Cob

♥ Massages

♥ Glitter

♥ Reciting all the lines to Titanic - I'm sucha geek

♥ Cooking and not having to clean up

♥ HOT Showers

♥ Dusting off the heater for cooler weather

♥ Shimmer

♥ Minus 5 Ice Lounge, man this was so cool. We went to the one in Queenstown back in 2006. It's a Bar where everything is made of ice, the bar, the walls, the seats, the sculptures and even your GLASS! they serve the yummiest Mocktails (non-alcoholic Cocktails) and all ranges of Cocktails. They completely kit you out in Eskimo-like Ice gear: Hat, Gloves, Jacket, Sheepskin lined boots, etc. An awesome experience.

♥ Raspberry Licorice

♥ SMORES mmm

♥ The smell of Pine Forests at night

♥ Knowing my TV remote so well I don't need to look at the buttons (kinda sad actually)

♥ Getting the armrest at the Movies

♥ GOLD CINEMA EXPERIENCE!

♥ The one good pen that never gets lost

♥ Building huts with sheets.... I still do it

♥ Piggy backs

♥ Someone landing on my Hotel in Monopoly

♥ Old school video games: Atari, Sega Mastersystem, Mega Drive (I love Alex the Kidd)

♥ Bakery air

♥ Using Rock, Scissors, Paper to settle anything

♥ The Movie "Big": Shimmy shimmy cocopop shimmy shimmy rock

♥ Travel souvenirs

♥ Toy stores, especially that one in "The Strand"

♥ Talking like a Pirate

♥ Watching my Husband help drive a car off a cliff

♥ Track pants

♥ Street Performers

♥ New Haircuts

♥ Fry Bread

♥ Fireplaces

♥ Marbles

♥ G.I Joes

♥ Slapbands

♥ Jem on DVD

♥ Letters via snail mail

♥ Mythbusters

♥ Themed Parties

♥ My nicely aged Salvation Army "Songs selected for use in Home League Meetings" book

♥ Treehouses

♥ Rainbows and remembering the promise behind them

♥ Obama vowing to fight pirates. Pirates out there had better be shivering their timbers.

♥ Muppets riding bikes

♥ Good hair days (GHD)

♥ Paperplanes

♥ Remembering how to make Paper Cranes

♥ Extreme Makeover Home Edition

♥ The lonely Horse down the road

♥ Love. Faith. Hope.

How:

2009-04-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

How Metrosexual is your Worship Leader?
Courtesy of an email sent to me by Jess Chambers, areas of it edited into my own liking.

Has a faux hawk hair style = +12.
Has more product in his hair than your wife = +13.
Has Rob Bell, black rimmed glasses = +14.
They are not prescription, but just for effect = +25.
Attends the Hillsong Conference = +36.
Performs at the Hillsong Conference = +107.
Owns , Chuck Taylor, Puma, Vans or Diesel sneakers = +2 per each pair.
Wears jeans on stage = +19.
Wears designer jeans on stage = +210.
Wears Wrangler or Rustler jeans on stage = -311.
Has a goatee = +212.
Wears one of those Castro revolution looking hats = +213.
Drinks coffee on stage = +114.
Drinks some kind of coffee you did not know existed = +215.
Brings a French Press on stage and makes his own coffee during service = +516.
Has a handlebar mustache = -317.
Good at Frisbee but hates getting all "sweaty" = +118.
Has a haircut that covers one of his eyes while singing = +119.
Owns a white belt = +220.
Owns suspenders = -321.
Wears a scarf with a t-shirt = +122.
Wears a winter knit hat even in the summer = +223.
You think he covered a My Chemical Romance song last week = +324.
Drives an Audi or VW, silver of course = +225.
Uses the words, "postmodern, relevant" or "emergent" nonstop = +226.
Cringes a little when people say the "H word." (Hymnal) = +327.
Has ever said some form of the phrase, "That song is so 1990s" = +128.
Owns a Grizzly Adams red and black flannel shirt = -229.
Named his kid after a color or a number = +230.
References Norwegian punk bands you've never heard of = +231.
Wears a tie = -132.
Wears a tie as a belt = +233.
Looks as if he might exfoliate = +234.
Has a man bag or European Carry All = +235.
Brings bag on stage with him = +236.
Has a tattoo = +237.
Has a visible tattoo = +438.
Wife accompanies him on stage and plays tambourine = -439.
Was formerly in a punk new wave band = +240.
Knows the names of all the people on the scripted MTV show, "the Hills" = +341.
Refuses to drink anything but Vitamin Water = +242.
Your wife ever says, "he needs a barrette for his hair." = +243.
Has a nickname with "the" in it, as in "the edge," = +244.
Owns every Nooma video = +245.
Has a soul patch = +346.
Won't play barefoot on stage until he gets a pedicure = +247.
Owns a pair of lady jeans = +250.
Twitters you from his iPhone = +251.
His toddler dresses cooler than you = +252.
He wears graphic t-shirts over button down, long sleeve shirts = +253.
Ever says "we got a hot mic here" = -454.
Shops at the Warehouse = -55.
Shops at Hallensteins = +2.
Shops at Blue Revolution = +20.
Shops at Diesel = +100.

OFFICIAL SCORE SHEET:

0 - 10 points = Hymnal Hero.

You my friend are what is known in the industry as a "Hymnal Hero." You're not metro in the least bit. You don't like fruit flavoured chapstick and think that songs that were written in this century, or the last one for that matter, are "too new." If married, your wife tries to get you to wear hip jeans but you're not into it. When my hymnal cologne comes out, you will buy a case.

11 - 20 points = Tomlin Curious.

Oh, well hello there, you're Tomlin Curious. I am of course referring to Chris Tomlin, one of the founding fathers of metrosexual worship leading. You're currently dipping a toe, pedicured even, into the idea of all of this. You were probably a former hairdresser and still rock the occasional hymn. Recently you saw a wide leather bracelet in a shop and thought about getting it. When you sleep at night you can hear voices calling you, "come style your hair, come frost your tips".

21 - 40 points = Goatee Guy.

Right now, you're wearing Pumas and drinking a coffee that has fourteen words in its name. You've gone over to the Salmon side. (This is the side where instead of saying "pink" you say things are "salmon" or "melon" or "coral.") You rarely play a hymn and style yourself after Jeremy Camp. For breakfast you had something with "wheat grass" in it.

41 - 60 points = Girl Jeans Gambler.

You're thinking about it. I mean you're not ready to do the guyliner thing, but when you shop for clothes you get a little tempted. You've never sung a hymn and think Chris Tomlin is "too traditional."

61+ points = The Joel.

You are Joel Houston of Hillsong United. Not only does he have a tattoo on his right arm, hangs out with creative types like photographers and poets a lot, he's funny and can bust out an instant, "I'm a serious rockstar worship leader" face on cue. He's got that "Kings of Leon" smelly but clean look and is the David Beckham of Metrosexual Worship Leaders. If you manage to reach this level then you are on another planet my friend, the Joel planet.

The Yakkity Yaks Between Me And He:

2009-04-20T17:06:00.000-07:00

Me: "This is awesome! wonder how much it is?"
He: "Honey, we're at the Two Dollar Shop".
Me: "Dont' judge me."

When was the last time...

2009-04-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

You went on a Picnic?

I'm a suck-uh for Love *sigh* and recently got tired of hinting to my Husband (Dan aka Diesel) a few ~~hundred~~ times that "Love and Marriage, Love and Marriage, go together like a Horse and Carriage", or in other words that we were about due for a surprise spontaneous date.

I decided to take things into my own hands and load up my 3 favourite boys:

The Married fulla that shares my world,
Hone the girly boy man mutt,
Buck doggy dogg,

into our Mysterious Utility (or Pigpen as I refer to it) and made the wheels on the truck go round and round to a secluded part of our farm that sits next to a happy little lake.

WHAT I WORE:

Hat - Nanas.
Nighty worn as a dress - Vintage.
Green cocktail ring - Sportsgirl.
Turqoise belt worn as a cuff.
Nail polish - Coral, OPI.
Gumboots.

STUFF I PACKED:

Fruit.
Curried Eggs.
A variety of cold Meats.
An array of Crackers, Cheeses, Breads.
Homemade Cupcakes and Muffins.
Cadbury Creme Egg Minis.
Sparkling Grape Juice.
Skipbo Card Game.
Retro Basket.
Blanket.

Ahhhh... it was sucha rad little trip.

WHAT I'VE LEARNT:

Picnic's deserve a good plan ahead.
Next time take bug repellent.
Next time take big comfy pillows.
Next time take face masks. Just because.
It's hilarious watching a fat "Seal" look-a-like Dog get a shock on an electric fence.
Like "Hard Drive" put it, "Everybody (everybody) needs somebody to looove (doo wop doo wop ba da da dup doo wop).

Your turn now. Picnic it up. Take photos. Love. Laugh. Create Memories. Thank God for your time on Earth.

Introducing T.I.L.T: Things I love Thursday.

2009-04-15T15:22:00.000-07:00

"Days with my Father" - is very beautiful; click all the way through.
Gorgeous smelling candles alight during a spontaneous quiet time in the middle of the night.
CUPCAKES!
Writing in a fresh journal with sharp 2B pencils *drool*.
Cracking my toes.
Finding hidden soppy messages written from my husband littered throughout the house... Nawww Mush.
Going to Weddings *sigh* so romantic. It doesn't matter whose Wedding, I'd be that creepy guest no-one knows sitting in the back row giving the first hug to the bride and groom. Actually I just got back from my Husbands Nephews Wedding (Nephew being one year younger than Husband... yeah work that one out...), and being Autumn with the ceremony under Oak Trees, you can imagine how magical it all was. They even washed each others feet.

Catching the smell of Laundry on the breeze while outside getting the mail.
Miniature horsey on the loose!
Spending time with really great, strong, hilarious women.
Cadbury Creme Eggs.
A full moon and still sky.
Vintage store adventures.
Old Hymns.
Peppermint Tea.
Taking photos of all the weird positions my Cat sleeps in.
Making up my own words to songs to include the names of my animals and how Maori they all are.
Guitar Hero!!!
Manners/Charm.
Modulating songs and singing them double time.
Trampolines and Hulahoops.
Helium Balloons.
Glowsticks and sparklers.
Getting a bag of all the old lollies I ate as a kid.
Bubbles.
Watching whole seasons of "LOST" at a time.
Originality not clones.
The Circus.
Stacked bangles: new textures, materials.
Education: You can teach an old dog new tricks.
Summer Festivals.
Shopping trips and having self control.
Nature.
TREES!
BREEZE!
The thriller dance.
Parcels in the Post.
Hardwork acknowledged.
Knowing how to dress your body shape.
Lipstick on a Pig.
Powernaps.
My Pastors same old stories. I never get sick of.
Competitions with my Husband to see who can remember the most words to Spice Girl songs. He'll never admit that.
New Shampoo flavours.
Bed Jumping.
Pretending to be a car while walking through town.
Leather, studs and sequins.
Pink.
Love letters.
Kites.
Skipping.
The first sip of a coke on a hot day.
Hot chocolate and marshmallows on a cold day.
Freshly painted nails.
New makeup.
Fashion and decor of the 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's and 70's.
Watching too much "Who's Line Is It Anyway?".
Arthurs Emporium.
Finding out my Wrestling Name and using it when attempting to bodyslam my Husband.
Nerding it up at the Library and coming out with an armful of books.
Coffee in Russell with my special pregnant girlfriend ;)
Blow kisses.
Windchimes.
Postcards.
Fingerless gloves.
Polaroid photos.
Icing.
Turquoise.
Scarves.
Floaty dresses.
Pearls.
Merry go rounds.
Butterflies.
Generosity.
Sushi.
Cocktail rings.
Clouds.
The God of Miracles.
The Husband of me.